Resilience is a crucial live skill that everyone needs but it can be particularly crucial for young people as they navigate the challenges of modern life.
This is a live recording of an event Jonathan recently spoke at in Dallas, Texas to hundreds of teenagers.
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Transcript
Well, hey there, Jonathan Doyle with you here.
Jonathan Doyle:Thanks so much for taking a moment to listen to this very short video.
Jonathan Doyle:Audio live recording from a recent session I did with a fantastic group
Jonathan Doyle:of young people here in Dallas, Texas.
Jonathan Doyle:I was asked to come in to speak to a few hundred students on the
Jonathan Doyle:issue of resilience, how we can grow in resilience, why it matters.
Jonathan Doyle:We start with a great definition.
Jonathan Doyle:We go on to how resilience can help us to really flourish in life.
Jonathan Doyle:And then I want to provide a bunch of really practical strategies at
Jonathan Doyle:the end of how we can definitely develop resilience in our life.
Jonathan Doyle:All right, that's it for me.
Jonathan Doyle:At the end of this live recording, I'll pop back and give you some more details.
Jonathan Doyle:But for now, I hope this will be useful to you, whether you're a parent, whether
Jonathan Doyle:a young person, I just hope that this message is going to help you realize
Jonathan Doyle:why we are capable of extraordinary resilience, why it matters, And how
Jonathan Doyle:to go about making it a reality.
Jonathan Doyle:Sit back, relax, enjoy, I'll speak to you again soon.
Jonathan Doyle:friends, you will forget most of what I say, so whenever I'm presenting, I try
Jonathan Doyle:and give people what I call a through line, which is something to remember.
Jonathan Doyle:I just call it the big if.
Jonathan Doyle:The big if wants you to remember that if there was something that I could
Jonathan Doyle:teach you in the next 30 minutes.
Jonathan Doyle:If.
Jonathan Doyle:There was something that I could teach you in the next 30 minutes
Jonathan Doyle:that would help you now, that would help you to flourish in the future,
Jonathan Doyle:because you do need to understand there are very successful people in
Jonathan Doyle:the world who do particular things.
Jonathan Doyle:It is up to you if you find out what they do and do those things.
Jonathan Doyle:I can't make you do it.
Jonathan Doyle:I'll be gone on Thursday, but I'm going to show you what they are.
Jonathan Doyle:If I could show you that, would it be useful to you?
Jonathan Doyle:That's the big if question.
Jonathan Doyle:I'm going to show you something.
Jonathan Doyle:Would it be useful to you if you could learn this inside 30 minutes?
Jonathan Doyle:We're going to record this, we'll give you a recording of it, I'll
Jonathan Doyle:send you a PDF document with the highlights, and if I get time, I'll
Jonathan Doyle:do a quick video to reinforce it.
Jonathan Doyle:But, here's what I want to offer you.
Jonathan Doyle:You heard Miss, uh, introduce before she said we're going to
Jonathan Doyle:talk about a particular word.
Jonathan Doyle:I think when you heard that word, even if you heard it, your brain probably went,
Jonathan Doyle:Meh, like, I don't think anybody here woke up this morning thinking to themselves,
Jonathan Doyle:If only Somebody would travel 10, 000 miles to speak to us about resilience.
Jonathan Doyle:You did not have that thought this morning.
Jonathan Doyle:In fact, within the last week, none of you in this room have probably
Jonathan Doyle:used the word in a sentence.
Jonathan Doyle:We don't think about it.
Jonathan Doyle:It's a weird word.
Jonathan Doyle:Why would they bring me all this way to talk about it?
Jonathan Doyle:Resilience.
Jonathan Doyle:Why does it matter?
Jonathan Doyle:Four questions.
Jonathan Doyle:Here they are.
Jonathan Doyle:They're very quick.
Jonathan Doyle:You'll hear them a few times.
Jonathan Doyle:Number one.
Jonathan Doyle:What is resilience?
Jonathan Doyle:Why would you want it?
Jonathan Doyle:Why is it hard to get?
Jonathan Doyle:And how do you get it?
Jonathan Doyle:We're going to hit four questions really fast while
Jonathan Doyle:simultaneously watching the time.
Jonathan Doyle:We'll What is resilience?
Jonathan Doyle:Why would you want it?
Jonathan Doyle:Why is it much harder to get?
Jonathan Doyle:Because there are reasons it's really hard for you to get at the moment.
Jonathan Doyle:We'll touch on them briefly.
Jonathan Doyle:Because that's a threat.
Jonathan Doyle:You would want to know why it's hard.
Jonathan Doyle:You would want to know why huge numbers of people are not resilient.
Jonathan Doyle:I'll explain that to you, and finally, the best part would just be, I'm
Jonathan Doyle:going to show you how to do it.
Jonathan Doyle:Can't make you do it, but you'll never be able to say, No one ever
Jonathan Doyle:told me how to get more resilient.
Jonathan Doyle:Okay, it's up to you what you do with it.
Jonathan Doyle:So friends, first question, what is resilience?
Jonathan Doyle:I'm going to give you two definitions.
Jonathan Doyle:Number one is a scientific definition.
Jonathan Doyle:When I first started teaching this, I was like, I better give the people a good
Jonathan Doyle:definition because it's abstract, right?
Jonathan Doyle:It's abstract.
Jonathan Doyle:It's like, it's a weird, fuzzy term.
Jonathan Doyle:So I give you a good definition, and there's one we give
Jonathan Doyle:you straight from science.
Jonathan Doyle:So it's actually a scientific term.
Jonathan Doyle:Listen to it.
Jonathan Doyle:This is as complex as I'll get today.
Jonathan Doyle:The capability of a strained body or object to recover its size and
Jonathan Doyle:shape after deformation, especially caused by compressive stress.
Jonathan Doyle:What does it mean?
Jonathan Doyle:You take an object, example like this, that's not compressive
Jonathan Doyle:stress, we're expanding it, but you understand that's being stressed,
Jonathan Doyle:right, we are stressing this object.
Jonathan Doyle:But when the stress diminishes, you will notice that it
Jonathan Doyle:returns to its previous shape.
Jonathan Doyle:Right?
Jonathan Doyle:If I took an egg, for example, and I held it here, and I was to let it
Jonathan Doyle:go, and I ask you the question, is an egg a resilient object or body?
Jonathan Doyle:You would find that gravity and the force of the floor would prove to
Jonathan Doyle:you it's not a resilient object.
Jonathan Doyle:What is resilience?
Jonathan Doyle:The ability of something to get back to its former shape when it's under stress.
Jonathan Doyle:Now let me give you a simpler one.
Jonathan Doyle:If you missed the first one, here's an easier one.
Jonathan Doyle:I describe it like this.
Jonathan Doyle:Our ability to recover.
Jonathan Doyle:Our ability, your ability, yours and yours alone.
Jonathan Doyle:Your ability to recover.
Jonathan Doyle:Now listen to this next part.
Jonathan Doyle:Or, get better.
Jonathan Doyle:I used to just say recover, but now I say get better.
Jonathan Doyle:When you face difficulty, suffering, adversity, problems, rejection, or stress.
Jonathan Doyle:Can you, if you get rejected, if you fail, if something goes wrong, can you
Jonathan Doyle:get back to where you were quickly?
Jonathan Doyle:Or do you disappear in self loathing and self rejection, or blame for the next
Jonathan Doyle:month while life just drifts past you?
Jonathan Doyle:Can you get back to where you were quickly when things don't go how you want?
Jonathan Doyle:And can you possibly even get better, because some people do.
Jonathan Doyle:But I'll be honest, most people specialise in blame.
Jonathan Doyle:We'll talk about that in a minute.
Jonathan Doyle:Life doesn't go the way you want.
Jonathan Doyle:It's gotta be someone else's fault.
Jonathan Doyle:So let's find whose fault it is and blame them.
Jonathan Doyle:We'll touch on that towards the end.
Jonathan Doyle:Can you get back to where you were when things are difficult
Jonathan Doyle:and can you even get better?
Jonathan Doyle:First question, what is resilience?
Jonathan Doyle:We've defined it.
Jonathan Doyle:Why would you want it?
Jonathan Doyle:Because friends, I'm sorry, but successful people, how much success,
Jonathan Doyle:achieving whatever is significant to you.
Jonathan Doyle:If it's money, you do you.
Jonathan Doyle:If it's great relationships, you do you.
Jonathan Doyle:If it's global fame, you do you.
Jonathan Doyle:Whatever floats your boat, friends.
Jonathan Doyle:I don't know if you have that saying, we do.
Jonathan Doyle:Whatever works for you, whatever matters to you.
Jonathan Doyle:Let me just tell you that people who don't recover quickly from stress,
Jonathan Doyle:rejection, setback and failure don't get what they want, they don't.
Jonathan Doyle:If you want things, you will need to master this.
Jonathan Doyle:You will And I'm telling you because I was lousy at it for about three decades.
Jonathan Doyle:So I know what I'm talking about.
Jonathan Doyle:I want to teach it to you quickly.
Jonathan Doyle:What is resilience?
Jonathan Doyle:Your ability to recover or get stronger from setback, adversity, rejection.
Jonathan Doyle:Why do you want it?
Jonathan Doyle:Because if you want a successful life, you're going to have to have it.
Jonathan Doyle:Three, why is it hard to get at the moment?
Jonathan Doyle:Concentrate.
Jonathan Doyle:It's a quick session.
Jonathan Doyle:Why is it hard to get?
Jonathan Doyle:Friends, for most of history, every one of you would have woken up this morning.
Jonathan Doyle:For most of human history, we have been hominids for 4 million years.
Jonathan Doyle:We have been homo sapiens for 350, 000 years.
Jonathan Doyle:The brain in your body, right now, has not changed in 350, 000 years.
Jonathan Doyle:You've adapted to do basically three things.
Jonathan Doyle:Get up in the morning, find something to eat, find some shelter, and build
Jonathan Doyle:relationships to maintain your family.
Jonathan Doyle:That is what humans did for almost 4 million years.
Jonathan Doyle:So the only things you had to worry about were those three things.
Jonathan Doyle:Can I eat?
Jonathan Doyle:Can I stay out of a freezing environment, or a hot
Jonathan Doyle:environment, or don't get drowned?
Jonathan Doyle:And can I find someone to build a family with and just keep
Jonathan Doyle:my generations moving forward?
Jonathan Doyle:That's it.
Jonathan Doyle:Now that is not our life now.
Jonathan Doyle:The reason resilience is hard to get is because you face extraordinary
Jonathan Doyle:complexities from the moment you wake up.
Jonathan Doyle:Family, relationships, school, internet, tech, social, all of it.
Jonathan Doyle:So if it's hard to get, if you notice people cracking and caving
Jonathan Doyle:with anxiety, depression, self harm, eating, all that sort of stuff, it's
Jonathan Doyle:because we're living in an extremely complex world we're not adapted for.
Jonathan Doyle:So you're going to need to know some things to be able to navigate that, right?
Jonathan Doyle:What is resilience?
Jonathan Doyle:To be able to get back or improve, get stronger under adversity,
Jonathan Doyle:setback, rejection and failure.
Jonathan Doyle:Why do you want it?
Jonathan Doyle:Because if you want a successful life, friends, you're going to need it.
Jonathan Doyle:And three, why is it hard to get?
Jonathan Doyle:Because you're living in an extremely complex world, And
Jonathan Doyle:that's the opening finish.
Jonathan Doyle:Let's finish this off.
Jonathan Doyle:Let me show you the fourth question.
Jonathan Doyle:How do you do it?
Jonathan Doyle:Let me teach you what no one ever taught me.
Jonathan Doyle:Now concentrate.
Jonathan Doyle:You can hear the recording again, but I want you to get the first key principle.
Jonathan Doyle:If you want to become more resilient, why would you want to?
Jonathan Doyle:Because life's difficult.
Jonathan Doyle:Some of you, seniors maybe, have lived long enough.
Jonathan Doyle:Some of you, even younger, have lived long enough for life to have been difficult.
Jonathan Doyle:Basically kick some sand in your face already.
Jonathan Doyle:There are people sitting in the room with a difficult family backgrounds,
Jonathan Doyle:all sorts of problems and issues.
Jonathan Doyle:Some of you have had a pretty clear run.
Jonathan Doyle:So you've got to understand how to do this.
Jonathan Doyle:First key principle.
Jonathan Doyle:I want to teach you about the most important space in the world.
Jonathan Doyle:If you understand what I'm about to teach you and you can hold onto
Jonathan Doyle:this, it can, I promise, Be very transformative for the rest of your life.
Jonathan Doyle:What is the most important space in the world?
Jonathan Doyle:And so I'm gonna teach it.
Jonathan Doyle:I'm gonna give you three words.
Jonathan Doyle:I change them sometimes.
Jonathan Doyle:What did I use this morning?
Jonathan Doyle:Alright.
Jonathan Doyle:There is a space between two things.
Jonathan Doyle:Reality.
Jonathan Doyle:What does that mean?
Jonathan Doyle:You're going, I have no idea what you mean.
Jonathan Doyle:Let me explain it again.
Jonathan Doyle:There is a space between reality itself and a result.
Jonathan Doyle:What do I mean?
Jonathan Doyle:What is reality?
Jonathan Doyle:Reality is whatever happens to you.
Jonathan Doyle:Reality is whatever is literally happening to you.
Jonathan Doyle:The result is how you feel about what happens to you, whether you get
Jonathan Doyle:depressed, whether you get excited, whether you get resilient and positive.
Jonathan Doyle:That's the result, but there's some, there's a space in between.
Jonathan Doyle:And that's the most important space in the world.
Jonathan Doyle:What is it?
Jonathan Doyle:It's the story.
Jonathan Doyle:What's the story?
Jonathan Doyle:The story you tell yourself about what just happened.
Jonathan Doyle:Give you a simple example.
Jonathan Doyle:Let's say you're working really hard to get a particular grade, on a
Jonathan Doyle:particular test it's important to you.
Jonathan Doyle:You get a C That is reality.
Jonathan Doyle:Maybe you got a D.
Jonathan Doyle:That's a reality.
Jonathan Doyle:That is what has objectively happened.
Jonathan Doyle:What is the result?
Jonathan Doyle:Well, any possible results, you can have whatever you want.
Jonathan Doyle:You might feel depressed, you might feel miserable, you might blame your
Jonathan Doyle:teacher, you might blame your parents, you might blame the government,
Jonathan Doyle:you might blame the climate.
Jonathan Doyle:Whatever.
Jonathan Doyle:But friends, what you missed was the minute that thing landed on your desk, you
Jonathan Doyle:didn't even know you did the next thing.
Jonathan Doyle:It's happening so fast, which is what?
Jonathan Doyle:You told yourself a story, and it was happening so quick you
Jonathan Doyle:didn't even know it was happening.
Jonathan Doyle:Lands on your desk, C There are multiple stories.
Jonathan Doyle:Here's one.
Jonathan Doyle:I'm an idiot.
Jonathan Doyle:I'll never achieve anything.
Jonathan Doyle:I got this because I'm dumb.
Jonathan Doyle:And I've always been dumb.
Jonathan Doyle:And this just proves to me I'm dumb.
Jonathan Doyle:And instantly you get the result.
Jonathan Doyle:What do you feel?
Jonathan Doyle:You feel depressed.
Jonathan Doyle:You feel you're never going to get anywhere.
Jonathan Doyle:But there is a different story.
Jonathan Doyle:A story like, that's surprising, I just didn't do enough.
Jonathan Doyle:I've got to figure out how to do it better.
Jonathan Doyle:So the space between the reality and the result is the story.
Jonathan Doyle:And the person in control of the story will always and everywhere be
Jonathan Doyle:So when I was a senior, I was in a very elite sporting school, right?
Jonathan Doyle:And for two years I was focused on making the highest elite rugby team we had.
Jonathan Doyle:And it was the only thing that mattered.
Jonathan Doyle:It was the biggest thing for everybody.
Jonathan Doyle:And I gave two years of my life to that.
Jonathan Doyle:And there came a moment when they released a squad that was
Jonathan Doyle:travelling, and I didn't make that.
Jonathan Doyle:Reality, right?
Jonathan Doyle:That's the reality.
Jonathan Doyle:And then there's a story.
Jonathan Doyle:And what was the story?
Jonathan Doyle:The story's really simple.
Jonathan Doyle:I told myself, You're a loser.
Jonathan Doyle:You'll never make that.
Jonathan Doyle:And I hated myself for it.
Jonathan Doyle:And I felt depressed, and I withdrew into myself.
Jonathan Doyle:And years later, I suddenly went, Actually, what actually happened was
Jonathan Doyle:I learned how to push really hard.
Jonathan Doyle:I learned how to work.
Jonathan Doyle:I learned how I didn't know at the time, I told myself the wrong story.
Jonathan Doyle:But let me give you one more quickly, because this is the most important
Jonathan Doyle:part, most important space in the world.
Jonathan Doyle:The space between the reality in your life, results in your life, and the
Jonathan Doyle:story you tell yourself in between.
Jonathan Doyle:In the Second World War, some of you would know this.
Jonathan Doyle:In the early 1940s, the Nazis imprisoned millions of people in a
Jonathan Doyle:massive concentration camp system.
Jonathan Doyle:Most, some of you would know the story, sadly some of you may have forgotten it.
Jonathan Doyle:Millions of people died.
Jonathan Doyle:Starvation, torture, you're probably familiar with it.
Jonathan Doyle:There's one guy in there called Viktor Frankl.
Jonathan Doyle:He wrote an important book, you come and see me at the end,
Jonathan Doyle:I'll tell you what the book was.
Jonathan Doyle:While millions of people are being gassed to death,
Jonathan Doyle:he survives.
Jonathan Doyle:He comes out the other side, he sits in a farmhouse ten days after being
Jonathan Doyle:freed, and he's, for two weeks and the book basically says there were two
Jonathan Doyle:kinds of people in there and only two.
Jonathan Doyle:The vast majority of people got imprisoned and instantly told themselves a story,
Jonathan Doyle:this is the worst thing ever, this is the worst suffering, I'm going to die,
Jonathan Doyle:this is terrible, and they did die.
Jonathan Doyle:And he said there was a tiny other group of people, it was incredibly
Jonathan Doyle:small, who said I will find a meaning in this, it's happening for a reason.
Jonathan Doyle:For him, he said I am going to survive this, I will survive it,
Jonathan Doyle:because I'm going to tell the entire world what happened here.
Jonathan Doyle:I'm going to tell him exactly what I witnessed and what I saw.
Jonathan Doyle:He found a reason.
Jonathan Doyle:Reality was, he was in exactly the same reality, but he found a different story.
Jonathan Doyle:Friends, that is the most important space in the world, so try this.
Jonathan Doyle:If all that's too complex, just try this.
Jonathan Doyle:You have got to get really good, really fast at mastering your internal
Jonathan Doyle:dialogue, your internal conversation.
Jonathan Doyle:When something happens, you get rejected, you like someone, they don't like you.
Jonathan Doyle:Whatever happens, whatever things happen to you, if you do not get really good
Jonathan Doyle:at listening to what you are saying to yourself and choosing a better story.
Jonathan Doyle:You're going to be in trouble.
Jonathan Doyle:So master that internal dialogue as quickly as possible.
Jonathan Doyle:That's two down.
Jonathan Doyle:The next ones are really simple.
Jonathan Doyle:You ready?
Jonathan Doyle:Get around good people.
Jonathan Doyle:It's up to you what you want to do, but I've lived long enough to
Jonathan Doyle:know that if you get around good people, what are good people?
Jonathan Doyle:People who want some of the same things you want.
Jonathan Doyle:People who care about you and want you to win.
Jonathan Doyle:If you want to be more resilient, you want to be around the kind
Jonathan Doyle:of people that say to you, yeah, that's a bad result, but you're
Jonathan Doyle:capable of this, you're really good.
Jonathan Doyle:Because you can be just as easy around people who are going to say.
Jonathan Doyle:Don't worry about it.
Jonathan Doyle:It doesn't matter.
Jonathan Doyle:It's not important because they need to keep you where they are.
Jonathan Doyle:Your choice!
Jonathan Doyle:But even on this trip in America, we've been here for a month, through San
Jonathan Doyle:Francisco, Detroit, Florida, here, I've been around some phenomenal people.
Jonathan Doyle:Interesting, passionate, successful people.
Jonathan Doyle:And it just makes me better.
Jonathan Doyle:It just makes me go, this is great, you're interesting.
Jonathan Doyle:I want to do more of what you're doing.
Jonathan Doyle:So get around good people.
Jonathan Doyle:Number one, master the most important space in the world.
Jonathan Doyle:Reality, story, result.
Jonathan Doyle:Two, get around good people.
Jonathan Doyle:Think now, are the people you're spending most of your time with,
Jonathan Doyle:Helping you to really grow and become who God's made you to be.
Jonathan Doyle:I don't know.
Jonathan Doyle:I don't know you.
Jonathan Doyle:I'm not going to get to know you, unfortunately, the way, you know,
Jonathan Doyle:that would help me to figure that out.
Jonathan Doyle:You, you have to answer that.
Jonathan Doyle:But you do get a vote.
Jonathan Doyle:Time, we're good.
Jonathan Doyle:This is my favourite.
Jonathan Doyle:I swear this is my favourite.
Jonathan Doyle:Number four.
Jonathan Doyle:Friends, I'm going to give you two words.
Jonathan Doyle:If you can do these two words, you're going to be so far
Jonathan Doyle:ahead of most of the planet.
Jonathan Doyle:Now listen carefully.
Jonathan Doyle:It's just two words.
Jonathan Doyle:Stop
Jonathan Doyle:blaming.
Jonathan Doyle:Concentrate.
Jonathan Doyle:Some of you terrible things may have happened to you.
Jonathan Doyle:I'm not talking about bullying or abuse.
Jonathan Doyle:Those things need to be reported and dealt with.
Jonathan Doyle:But what most humans are doing most of the time, if life is not the way you want
Jonathan Doyle:it, you will look around and try and find someone to blame for what's happening.
Jonathan Doyle:You can blame your parents.
Jonathan Doyle:You can blame your teachers.
Jonathan Doyle:You can blame anyone you want.
Jonathan Doyle:Now concentrate.
Jonathan Doyle:Half a million people around the world in live events.
Jonathan Doyle:Detroit the other day, 3, 000 people in the room.
Jonathan Doyle:I get a line of people who want to talk to me.
Jonathan Doyle:Here's what happens over and over again all around the world.
Jonathan Doyle:Somebody will come up to me and they will tell me a story that is heartbreaking.
Jonathan Doyle:They will tell me a true story about suffering, or hardship,
Jonathan Doyle:or pain, or childhood trauma.
Jonathan Doyle:And I do two things, and I only ever do two things.
Jonathan Doyle:First thing, I listen, I listen compassionately, intently.
Jonathan Doyle:Respecting their dignity as human persons.
Jonathan Doyle:I listen very carefully, I empathize with their story, and I tell them I get it.
Jonathan Doyle:And then I do the next thing, and listen to the next three words.
Jonathan Doyle:After hearing their story carefully, I say three very important words.
Jonathan Doyle:Listen to them.
Jonathan Doyle:And, now what?
Jonathan Doyle:And now what?
Jonathan Doyle:What happened to you is true.
Jonathan Doyle:Dude, it's terrible.
Jonathan Doyle:I, I agree for you.
Jonathan Doyle:I think what happened to you was awful.
Jonathan Doyle:But you've still got to live.
Jonathan Doyle:So friends, I've got to do this carefully because if you hear me
Jonathan Doyle:wrong you think I'm saying it doesn't matter what happens to you in life.
Jonathan Doyle:Yeah, it does.
Jonathan Doyle:We get wounded, we get hurt, bad people do bad things.
Jonathan Doyle:But try and understand this, the minute you're in blame, listen, the
Jonathan Doyle:minute you are in blame, you are surrendering your power to someone else.
Jonathan Doyle:You really are, because you are making somebody else responsible
Jonathan Doyle:for your experience of life.
Jonathan Doyle:So, the small percentage of people who will get resilient and successful, you
Jonathan Doyle:have got to start, just start from now.
Jonathan Doyle:Take a radical responsibility for your life.
Jonathan Doyle:Don't blame anyone.
Jonathan Doyle:Please, stop blaming.
Jonathan Doyle:Master the smallest space in the world.
Jonathan Doyle:Reality, story, result.
Jonathan Doyle:Get around good people.
Jonathan Doyle:Stop blaming.
Jonathan Doyle:Stop it.
Jonathan Doyle:Just don't do it again.
Jonathan Doyle:We live in a culture everywhere that just maximizes it.
Jonathan Doyle:Turn on your television, internet for five seconds, it's someone else's fault.
Jonathan Doyle:Probably.
Jonathan Doyle:And now what?
Jonathan Doyle:Okay?
Jonathan Doyle:Almost done.
Jonathan Doyle:I didn't want to do this one, but I gotta do it.
Jonathan Doyle:I'm not going down the rabbit hole with it, but I do offer you this.
Jonathan Doyle:If you want to be resilient, if you want to be in the smaller
Jonathan Doyle:percentage of truly happy, successful people, I will give you an opinion.
Jonathan Doyle:That's all it is.
Jonathan Doyle:It's tech is not your friend.
Jonathan Doyle:This is not the speech about don't use your phones, but I will just
Jonathan Doyle:say to you, tech is not your friend.
Jonathan Doyle:Social media, best I can tell girls, is, it's unlikely you come off the
Jonathan Doyle:back of ten years of social media.
Jonathan Doyle:You're completely comfortable with your body and your place in the world
Jonathan Doyle:and how you feel about yourself.
Jonathan Doyle:I'm not your parents.
Jonathan Doyle:I don't know.
Jonathan Doyle:But I know what the research says, because I got two postgraduate degrees,
Jonathan Doyle:two master's degrees, and I'm yet to see a research study that says social
Jonathan Doyle:media is helping people to flourish in life and get more resilient.
Jonathan Doyle:Good luck finding one.
Jonathan Doyle:I'm just telling you, if you want to be resilient, I would be super careful.
Jonathan Doyle:about how much you're using, what you're accessing, and
Jonathan Doyle:how much of your life it owns.
Jonathan Doyle:Up to you.
Jonathan Doyle:But it's not your friend, it's not going to help you flourish.
Jonathan Doyle:I'm really disciplined, I'm super disciplined, even how much I read
Jonathan Doyle:it, when I read it, when I use it.
Jonathan Doyle:On the other side of that, you want to get more resilient, increase
Jonathan Doyle:your activity, sleep and exercise.
Jonathan Doyle:I know you hate that speech.
Jonathan Doyle:I'm not going to do it in any detail.
Jonathan Doyle:But I spoke to a guy a couple of years ago in a public school.
Jonathan Doyle:He's a senior in a public school, tough school.
Jonathan Doyle:I said, hey, you look really tired today.
Jonathan Doyle:And he said, yeah.
Jonathan Doyle:He goes, oh, I set up late.
Jonathan Doyle:I said, how late?
Jonathan Doyle:And he goes, well, I've got a big flat screen in my room.
Jonathan Doyle:And this guy just watches like extreme horror films every night till 2 a.
Jonathan Doyle:m.
Jonathan Doyle:And he's like, why am I, why am I like not my best self?
Jonathan Doyle:So you do you, I just offer that if you want to be resilient, you want
Jonathan Doyle:to be successful, you're going to have a much better chance if you
Jonathan Doyle:get enough rest, exercise and sleep.
Jonathan Doyle:Almost done.
Jonathan Doyle:Okay, three to go really quickly.
Jonathan Doyle:Here's one of my personal favourites.
Jonathan Doyle:Do hard.
Jonathan Doyle:You want to be resilient?
Jonathan Doyle:It's literally a muscle.
Jonathan Doyle:You, you, like, seriously, you increase it by doing what?
Jonathan Doyle:Hard things.
Jonathan Doyle:I run ultra marathons.
Jonathan Doyle:I got a 109K run I'm supposed to do when I get back.
Jonathan Doyle:And I did a training run the other day, 30K training run.
Jonathan Doyle:Had to get up at 3.
Jonathan Doyle:30 in the morning to do it.
Jonathan Doyle:I blew both calf muscles, uh, calf muscles 5K in.
Jonathan Doyle:It's too far to go back, so I just want to keep going.
Jonathan Doyle:I'm not telling you to do that, but for the last 30 years, I've
Jonathan Doyle:just done a lot of hard things.
Jonathan Doyle:If you want to be resilient, ask yourself the question, in the last week, in the
Jonathan Doyle:last month, in the last year, what have you done that has been genuinely hard?
Jonathan Doyle:Something that was scary, something that was difficult, something
Jonathan Doyle:that forced you to really grow.
Jonathan Doyle:If you're not doing hard things, it is a muscle, and if you don't
Jonathan Doyle:want to stretch it or strain it, it's not going to improve.
Jonathan Doyle:Do hard things.
Jonathan Doyle:Friends, pray for grace.
Jonathan Doyle:You want to get more resilient?
Jonathan Doyle:Pray for it.
Jonathan Doyle:Get up in the morning and just ask God, say, help me to be more resilient.
Jonathan Doyle:Help me to take what you've given me and make something of it.
Jonathan Doyle:Pray for it.
Jonathan Doyle:I pray for it every day in different ways.
Jonathan Doyle:Ask God to give you what you need.
Jonathan Doyle:Pray to become a one percenter.
Jonathan Doyle:I'm no one's judge.
Jonathan Doyle:I don't want to tell you that God loves anyone more or less because he doesn't.
Jonathan Doyle:But it's up to you whether you want to get into a certain
Jonathan Doyle:percentage of reality or not.
Jonathan Doyle:It's up to you.
Jonathan Doyle:But you've got to do hard things and you've got to ask for grace to do it.
Jonathan Doyle:Last point, we're finished.
Jonathan Doyle:Uh, you're going to fail at times,
Jonathan Doyle:but you have to get up and keep moving forward.
Jonathan Doyle:The next test you fail, the next relationship that's not what you want it
Jonathan Doyle:to be, the next circumstance that isn't your preference, you've got options.
Jonathan Doyle:Blame, depression, whatever.
Jonathan Doyle:Or you can get up and keep moving forward.
Jonathan Doyle:Summary friends, the big if.
Jonathan Doyle:If there was something that you could learn that would
Jonathan Doyle:move you forward, what is it?
Jonathan Doyle:Well, resilience is a big part of it.
Jonathan Doyle:What is it?
Jonathan Doyle:Your ability to get back into shape or even better after dealing with
Jonathan Doyle:rejection, hardship and adversity.
Jonathan Doyle:Why would you want it?
Jonathan Doyle:Because it's the price.
Jonathan Doyle:Do you understand things cost things?
Jonathan Doyle:Like there's prices for things.
Jonathan Doyle:The price of an extraordinary life is basically being not like other people.
Jonathan Doyle:You've got to be different.
Jonathan Doyle:You have to be more resilient.
Jonathan Doyle:You have to know what you want and stay on track and keep going and
Jonathan Doyle:keep getting up when it's difficult.
Jonathan Doyle:Or you can blame people and quit.
Jonathan Doyle:That's up to you.
Jonathan Doyle:Isn't that incredible freedom?
Jonathan Doyle:You have that freedom.
Jonathan Doyle:Like, 30, 40 years time, we bring you back, your life will
Jonathan Doyle:kind of be that story, right?
Jonathan Doyle:Some of you will have suffered and had difficult things and just kept going, and
Jonathan Doyle:some of you will be still blaming people.
Jonathan Doyle:Just choose which group you want to be in.
Jonathan Doyle:Ask God for grace, and keep getting up when it's difficult.
Jonathan Doyle:I'm done.
Jonathan Doyle:Turn to the person next to you, and just look them in the eye,
Jonathan Doyle:and say, get up, and keep walking.
Jonathan Doyle:Thank you friends, God bless.
