All of us have some area of life where we know we ‘should’ be doing something differently. Why does it seem so hard to turn our ‘should’s into ‘musts’?
In today’s episode i answer another great listener question where I give some powerful theoretical and practical steps we can all take to close the gap between where we are and where we want to be.
Grab a free copy of my book Bridging the Gap here:
https://go.jonathandoyle.co/btg-pdf
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https://go.jonathandoyle.co/jd-speak-opt-in
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https://go.jonathandoyle.co/coaching
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https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpCYnW4yVdd93N1OTbsxgyw
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https://bit.ly/geniusmasterclasskaren
Transcript
Well, Hey everybody.
Speaker:Jonathan Doyle with you.
Speaker:Once again, welcome aboard to the daily podcast and new
Speaker:listeners, regular listeners.
Speaker:You are all very welcome.
Speaker:Thank you so For the precious gift of your time, the one
Speaker:great commodity on this planet.
Speaker:That we cannot increase.
Speaker:We cannot find more of it is finite.
Speaker:So we've got to make the absolute best use of the time we
Speaker:have, and I respect your time.
Speaker:I value your time.
Speaker:But let me take a tiny moment of your time to say, please subscribe,
Speaker:hit that subscribe button.
Speaker:There are a whole bunch of links under here.
Speaker:I want you to go check those out.
Speaker:You can get a free copy of my book.
Speaker:You can book me to speak, live to all my European listeners United Kingdom.
Speaker:Uh, reach out and say hi, cause I'm going to hopefully be
Speaker:speaking in the UK in November.
Speaker:So if you would like me to come and work.
Speaker:With your school, your organization, your business, reach out and say hi,
Speaker:because I don't get over there as often as I'd like in these last few years.
Speaker:So there's a chance to, uh, to come and work with you over there.
Speaker:That would be great.
Speaker:So check that out.
Speaker:There is a whole bunch of other links.
Speaker:You can click across to the YouTube channel.
Speaker:You can go once you get the link to Karen's master class, she does this
Speaker:amazing online masterclass for women.
Speaker:Uh, for women all around the world, it's a fantastic program.
Speaker:So please go check that out now.
Speaker:I'm going to jump into, listen to question.
Speaker:And just a second before I do
Speaker:I am often asked a couple of interesting questions about reading.
Speaker:One is people ask me what I'm currently reading.
Speaker:Because regular listeners know I'm a voracious reader.
Speaker:I think for me, heaven will kind of be like a very, very large library.
Speaker:I just get to sit in a big comfy chair.
Speaker:For like several thousand years at a time and just read.
Speaker:It's been raining here so much.
Speaker:It's kind of great indoor weather.
Speaker:I've been pairing through so many books.
Speaker:So.
Speaker:People often ask me what I'm reading.
Speaker:And, uh, and the other question they get asked is how do I manage to read so much?
Speaker:And I think it's kind of related to the listener question that
Speaker:I'm going to answer today.
Speaker:I think I make it something that's just a bit of a non-negotiable for me.
Speaker:I try and build a bit of my life around But look just quickly.
Speaker:What I'm reading.
Speaker:I just finished a book called build.
Speaker:Build an unorthodox guide to making things worth making it's
Speaker:from a guy called Tony Fidel.
Speaker:Uh, if I D E double L it's a big book and powered through it really interesting guy,
Speaker:he worked with Steve jobs very closely.
Speaker:He's a pretty famous Silicon valley entrepreneur.
Speaker:And it was just a great book about, you know, really entrepreneurial spirit
Speaker:building something from the ground up.
Speaker:So I took a lot out of that.
Speaker:Uh, just about the finishing about 10 pages left of another book by
Speaker:its, I think it's a first book.
Speaker:Bye Madeline pop Hilker.
Speaker:And it's called.
Speaker:You're going to be okay.
Speaker:16 lessons on healing after trauma.
Speaker:You're going to be okay by metal and Patelco.
Speaker:Um, really great book, really good summary of dealing with PTSD.
Speaker:And, uh, Bouncing back from trauma.
Speaker:So I've almost finished that it's just a really good.
Speaker:Holistic covering of the personal journey of PTSD and the kind
Speaker:of steps that people can take.
Speaker:To, to grow into heal through it.
Speaker:And the third book I am reading.
Speaker:Just about to finish is, uh, it's just brilliant.
Speaker:It's one of my little quicks, a personality it's called
Speaker:the Lords of easy money.
Speaker:Um, it's a book on the internal dynamics of the us federal reserve
Speaker:banking system, which of course I know is relevant for all of you.
Speaker:And you're all thinking to yourselves, where can I get a
Speaker:copy as by Christopher Leonard?
Speaker:My other hat is.
Speaker:Being involved with global macro finance and, uh, and central banking theory.
Speaker:And so the Lords of easy money is a fantastic.
Speaker:Investigative exploration of what actually goes on in the global banking system.
Speaker:Let me just say this.
Speaker:You don't want to know what's going on.
Speaker:If your head is in the sand, I humbly suggest you keep it right there.
Speaker:Because it's just not pretty.
Speaker:Um, I think I'll be doing more work in that space in the years ahead.
Speaker:I care deeply about people coming to understand the way things
Speaker:actually are rather than the way things are often presented to us.
Speaker:But, uh, there are the three books I'm reading at the moment.
Speaker:I'm thinking I'm not trying to get metal
Speaker:Onto the show and dish, uh, share some of her experiences and some of
Speaker:her story that we can all learn from.
Speaker:Uh, so what else, the other thing I wanted to talk to you about was just two other
Speaker:things that I'm doing on a regular daily basis that you may be interested in.
Speaker:You all know that I have a really strong daily routine.
Speaker:I have a really You know, commitment to physical fitness and training
Speaker:and all that sort of stuff.
Speaker:Uh, recently I've been trialing, uh, athletic greens, a G one.
Speaker:So you can find athletic greens on the internet.
Speaker:It's a New Zealand company.
Speaker:And so basically you just take this small amount of powder in water each morning.
Speaker:And, uh, it's just a, yeah, so go check it out.
Speaker:Look, it's just one of those pieces that I'm putting in place.
Speaker:Uh, I've used it.
Speaker:You similar stuff before, but, uh, athletic greens is probably the
Speaker:best known product on the market.
Speaker:I think.
Speaker:Anything we can do just to give ourselves a little boost in, uh, in
Speaker:the general health wellbeing area.
Speaker:So go check that out.
Speaker:I'm using it.
Speaker:I'm finding some good results from it.
Speaker:And I just a general feeling of wellbeing and the other thing
Speaker:I just recently is look because I've always been training so much.
Speaker:I've always been using heart rate monitors and that sort of stuff.
Speaker:And, you know, the watch that I use for distance training, obviously
Speaker:measures, resting, heart rate, all that
Speaker:But I've gone next level with a product called the hour ring.
Speaker:O U R a O U R a hour.
Speaker:Oh, look, these things.
Speaker:It's just bizarre.
Speaker:It's a ring that you wear on your finger.
Speaker:And it measures everything, uh, oxygen sets and your blood resting,
Speaker:heart rate, heart rate variability.
Speaker:Sleep patterns.
Speaker:It is how it does what it does.
Speaker:I don't know.
Speaker:Maybe I don't want to know it's a hospital grade, which is like,
Speaker:it's, the data is phenomenal.
Speaker:And the feedback and data that you get every single day I'm using it
Speaker:primarily to monitor sleep patterns.
Speaker:And I just want to try and be I'm a bit of an evangelist for sleep.
Speaker:I, I think it's one of the big missing pieces for so many of us.
Speaker:Like a lot of things I do.
Speaker:I've gone to the more extreme end I take it very seriously.
Speaker:Uh, I sleep at almost exactly the same time.
Speaker:Every single day.
Speaker:I wake it almost the same time every single day.
Speaker:I think there is so much, I should do a whole episode on it, but the, you know,
Speaker:the things that I do, they seem very basic to me, very obvious, but I understand
Speaker:that many people are not doing them.
Speaker:So.
Speaker:Those things are like, you know, the, the, our bedroom is just pristine.
Speaker:It's, it's beautiful.
Speaker:It's calm.
Speaker:It's always perfectly tidy.
Speaker:You know, there's all these cues that.
Speaker:I don't know if I'm just telling you what you already know, but,
Speaker:but the kind of cues that we get around certain times of the day,
Speaker:I begin to Primus for certain things.
Speaker:So.
Speaker:Getting to sleep at the right times and a peaceful, quiet room.
Speaker:The temperatures should be relatively low.
Speaker:Uh, what else?
Speaker:You know, just I've started using iron.
Speaker:Masks, and that's going to make some of your life.
Speaker:You need to really, you need to tell us this, um, just to block
Speaker:out any ambient light whatsoever.
Speaker:So there's all these hacks, but this hour thing is just
Speaker:Can I tell you a little secret?
Speaker:I'll tell you something.
Speaker:This very rarely happens to me, but I, I did a really hard bike session
Speaker:yesterday morning, and then I, what I do next, I did a really hard gym session.
Speaker:And I was getting through some reading later in the morning and I'm
Speaker:just like, oh, well, I'm wrecked.
Speaker:And I actually had a nap, which I haven't done in a very long time.
Speaker:I had this like 20 minute nap.
Speaker:It was just perfect.
Speaker:I felt amazing.
Speaker:And then later that night, this is last night.
Speaker:Uh, I go to check the stats, my stats on the hour app.
Speaker:And it asks me, it says, did you have a nap today?
Speaker:And I'm like, oh, that's creepy.
Speaker:And I think it's got a gyro in it.
Speaker:So it must know when you're lying stationary.
Speaker:And this thing realized that I'd had a nap.
Speaker:So it adjusted all my data based on this 20 minute power nap.
Speaker:So look, uh, these are the just little things that make that make it easier to.
Speaker:To operate at a sort of peak performance.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:So, and realize that the journey towards.
Speaker:Being our best is so that we can contribute and serve people
Speaker:better and enjoy life and make a meaningful contribution to others.
Speaker:So that's kind of, what's behind it, but there's two things that I'm doing,
Speaker:uh, athletic greens and the outer ring.
Speaker:You've heard my latest book reading.
Speaker:Now I'm gonna jump into today's question or power through this one.
Speaker:I love listening to questions.
Speaker:It came through yesterday.
Speaker:If, uh, if you are on my list, because I know that some of you are still
Speaker:waiting for me to produce your episodes.
Speaker:They're all coming.
Speaker:Um, look this great one I got yesterday.
Speaker:One thing that I'd be interested in knowing more about says Peter
Speaker:is, um, and there may be others who have similar thoughts is how
Speaker:to go about turning a should.
Speaker:Into a must.
Speaker:Can we all relate to that?
Speaker:Everybody?
Speaker:Can, you all relate Do you have a shoot in your life?
Speaker:We often Tuft and say at live events, we've got to stop
Speaker:shooting all over ourselves.
Speaker:Um, Uh, turning a chute into a must EEG.
Speaker:Peter says I should eat healthier food into, I must eat healthier food.
Speaker:Uh, it may make a good issue.
Speaker:To discuss for your listeners.
Speaker:Um, but I'd like to get your perspective on it.
Speaker:Peter, thank you for a great question.
Speaker:How do we turn our shoulds into musts?
Speaker:I have quite a few thoughts on this.
Speaker:First point, why does shoulds and musts even exist?
Speaker:Why do we even notice them as a thing?
Speaker:Why do we have this internal sense at times that the something that we should
Speaker:be doing, we tell ourselves we should do this, but we are not doing it.
Speaker:Why does it happen?
Speaker:And it's important.
Speaker:Why do we even notice
Speaker:Now I want to say the reason that we even notice it's a good thing.
Speaker:It's what I call a tele biological imperative.
Speaker:Teleology is kind of the study of.
Speaker:The end point of a, of an object.
Speaker:So.
Speaker:It's basically a metaphysical concept.
Speaker:That means what is a thing designed to achieve?
Speaker:What's it for?
Speaker:What's its purpose.
Speaker:It's related to ontology, but teleology kind of refers Really what we're here
Speaker:to do, but like w what's the You know, what does the vacuum cleaner fall?
Speaker:Well, it's vacuuming.
Speaker:What's a human person for what's the teleology of personhood.
Speaker:What does it mean to be human?
Speaker:What's?
Speaker:Uh, what, what direction are we gravitating towards?
Speaker:And I would argue that.
Speaker:Essentially, we are human becomings right.
Speaker:Rather than human beings are human.
Speaker:Becomings.
Speaker:We are always.
Speaker:On a journey are the two wards or away from our potentiality.
Speaker:So think about this The only reason shoulds and musts can exist is
Speaker:because we have this interior since.
Speaker:That there is another possible.
Speaker:Level of reality we could be experiencing right.
Speaker:So when Peter gives us example here of eating healthier food.
Speaker:The only reason we can, you know, have that idea of we should eat
Speaker:healthier food is because we have a sense that there's something
Speaker:we're doing that isn't serving us.
Speaker:So, this is a good thing.
Speaker:So whenever I think about it right now, what are the shifts in your life?
Speaker:What are the things that you tell yourself you should do more of?
Speaker:For me, it's like, I should read more.
Speaker:I mean, I read lots, but I'm like, oh, I really should read
Speaker:So, how do you turn it into a must?
Speaker:How do you turn it into a muscle?
Speaker:The first thing I want to suggest practically.
Speaker:And Peter's kind of suggested this in the question itself is
Speaker:you got to recognize the gap.
Speaker:It's going to get conscious about the gap.
Speaker:How many times do you hear me say that word?
Speaker:Conscious like so many times in this journey of personal development growth,
Speaker:the issue is a lack of consciousness.
Speaker:We, we sort of vaguely understand that we want something, but
Speaker:we're not quite sure what it is.
Speaker:And it knows a way it is, and it probably increases our stress
Speaker:levels, but we don't actually get So you got to recognize the gap.
Speaker:You got to go well, W what do I want to eat healthy food?
Speaker:Well it's because if I eat healthier food, I'll feel better.
Speaker:I look better.
Speaker:I'll feel better about myself and where I'm, where I'm at in
Speaker:the world and what I'm doing.
Speaker:And then it'll be good for my family to see it.
Speaker:And, uh, I'll just feel better.
Speaker:I'll I'll have lists of criticism and I'll film a confident.
Speaker:So we've got to see that there's a gap.
Speaker:There's a gap between the person you are now.
Speaker:And the person you could be.
Speaker:So how do we close that gap?
Speaker:I mean, it's why my first book was called bridging the gap.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:It is based on this idea of how do we bridge that?
Speaker:Gap.
Speaker:So let's dig deeper.
Speaker:Uh, why do we not close this gap?
Speaker:Why do we not turn shoulds into musts?
Speaker:I would point to the Scholastic philosopher.
Speaker:Frederick of awesome.
Speaker:Who famously gave us the metaphysical hermaneutic of outcomes.
Speaker:Raise The metaphysical principle of Ockham's.
Speaker:Comes razor.
Speaker:So Ockham's razor is this idea that that was a philosophical principles.
Speaker:How do you deal with a complex issue?
Speaker:And.
Speaker:You know, Frederick of Aachen.
Speaker:Basically gave us this idea.
Speaker:That the simplest solution to a complex problem is almost always the correct one.
Speaker:That the simplest solution to a complex problem.
Speaker:Is almost always the correct one.
Speaker:It's a very helpful philosophical principle.
Speaker:Principal, because so often we get tied up in the complexity, you know, why
Speaker:don't I turn this shit into my water?
Speaker:And I do Go for the simplest possible explanation.
Speaker:That's the genius idea that, um,
Speaker:Frederick have OCHEM gave us.
Speaker:And I'm going to say there's two reasons why we're not turning shoulds into musts.
Speaker:One is because you have not associated enough pain to where you currently
Speaker:are, or two, you haven't associated enough potential pleasure or enough
Speaker:potential upside to it becoming a must.
Speaker:So, what this means is if you stuck with a should.
Speaker:That isn't a must it's because you have not associated enough
Speaker:pain to staying where you are.
Speaker:So I think this was where, you know, Freud kind of got this.
Speaker:Correct?
Speaker:I think Freud was pretty correct when he said that.
Speaker:You know, the two motivating forces of the human experience or avoidance
Speaker:of pain and the pursuit of pleasure.
Speaker:No, I think he took that in some incorrect directions.
Speaker:But fundamentally it can be helpful.
Speaker:So why don't we turn it should to a must because we're not in enough pain.
Speaker:We're not in enough pain.
Speaker:I used to soundstage regularly.
Speaker:I'd You know that you don't make kidney dialysis and option, right.
Speaker:So I had a friend once who was on kidney dialysis, you know,
Speaker:I think it was twice a day.
Speaker:And that's no, no, that's not optional.
Speaker:That's not a, should he, he doesn't wake up in the morning thing, you know?
Speaker:Saying I should get dialysis today.
Speaker:He it's, it's a must.
Speaker:And if you think about why does he go to get dialysis each day?
Speaker:Well think about it carefully.
Speaker:There's two things working simultaneously.
Speaker:One.
Speaker:Is he is associated a great deal of pain to not making it a must.
Speaker:What's the pain.
Speaker:Well, he'll die.
Speaker:And his family will be without him.
Speaker:So there's a lot of pain in that area, but then there's also the
Speaker:upside, which is what he gets to live.
Speaker:He gets to live longer.
Speaker:He gets to be alive with his family.
Speaker:So you can see these two forces.
Speaker:Coalescing.
Speaker:And this is an extreme example, right?
Speaker:So we've just got to take that principle.
Speaker:That these are the not enough pain.
Speaker:Or that we don't, we haven't sort of clarified enough of an upside upside.
Speaker:So let's go with Peter's actual example of, I should eat healthier.
Speaker:Why are you not eating healthier?
Speaker:Well, I would suggest we could look at some small details.
Speaker:Like it's, it's inconvenient.
Speaker:It's, there's too many things to organize, but really the reason that at the
Speaker:We're not moving from a should eat healthier to a mustard.
Speaker:Healthier is there's not enough pain.
Speaker:There's discomfort.
Speaker:They might be like, well, I'm, you know, I'm might be, might say I'm five kilos
Speaker:overweight, or 10 kilos overweight.
Speaker:And I could change it if I just did this.
Speaker:But you're not in enough
Speaker:Like, if you were like eating so terribly that you were seriously
Speaker:unwell and your life was at risk, then you'd have enough pain.
Speaker:So, and you know, and it doesn't have to be real terrible pain.
Speaker:We can just begin to think.
Speaker:You know, what if I don't change this?
Speaker:So this is the actual practical You know, get your journal out.
Speaker:Think of something that you're trying to turn into a must and go.
Speaker:If I do nothing.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:The question.
Speaker:If I do nothing.
Speaker:What is the trajectory of this?
Speaker:What is going to happen now?
Speaker:That trajectory can be any way from you.
Speaker:Don't have to just going to continue the way it is and nothing's going to
Speaker:change, and you're going to be stuck in this particular place forever.
Speaker:Or what if it gets worse?
Speaker:Well, if it gets worse,
Speaker:I'm going to get sick or I could maybe, you know, my family could be without me
Speaker:years before it was necessary for me to, to, to, for my life to draw to a close.
Speaker:So we have to get conscious about the potential pain of doing nothing.
Speaker:We have to really feel it, identify it articulated to ourselves.
Speaker:If I do nothing, where is this going to take me?
Speaker:If I continue to just have a should, that never becomes a must.
Speaker:Where is this going to take me?
Speaker:And then you can apply the same principle to the upside.
Speaker:You go, right?
Speaker:If I act on this, if I turn this shit into a must, what am I going to get?
Speaker:What are you going to be the benefits?
Speaker:Write them down.
Speaker:I'm going to get this.
Speaker:I'm going to get this.
Speaker:I'm going to get this.
Speaker:And the last thing I would offer you is.
Speaker:Uh, you know, Carol origins, woop goal setting strategy.
Speaker:Now, if you go back through the episodes, I think I just looked at it
Speaker:before it, somewhere around episode.
Speaker:If you go to season six episodes, excuse me.
Speaker:Episodes 48, 49, 50 51.
Speaker:I did a four-part series on woop goal setting.
Speaker:So that is wish.
Speaker:What is it that I want to be different?
Speaker:What am I wishing for?
Speaker:Then you identify the outcome.
Speaker:If I get my wish, what will I experience will be the outcome of that.
Speaker:Then you identify the obstacles.
Speaker:So why aren't you eating healthy?
Speaker:Well, the obstacle is I don't like shopping or I don't know what to
Speaker:cook or I don't know what to buy or.
Speaker:At this time of day, there's this issue that, you know, makes it
Speaker:difficult for me to eat well.
Speaker:And then you develop a plan.
Speaker:So WWP, whoop wish outcome obstacle, make a plan.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:So summary.
Speaker:Why do we not make sure it's musts?
Speaker:Because or firstly, why are they important?
Speaker:Because we, we, we intuitively sense that there is something we are meant
Speaker:to be something we are meant to become, and we only recognize shoulds and musts.
Speaker:Because we, since we're not where we want to be, and that's a good Why don't
Speaker:we change because we've, although we are the haven't associated enough pain
Speaker:to stay in where We haven't associated enough pleasure to the change.
Speaker:So you work in those two areas, work around those two
Speaker:principles of pleasure and pain.
Speaker:Go and check out the episodes.
Speaker:On woop goal setting.
Speaker:Identify your wish.
Speaker:Look at the outcome that you will gain from achieving your wish.
Speaker:Identify the obstacles and then get to a plan.
Speaker:Those things could be helpful.
Speaker:Look.
Speaker:I hope that's useful to everybody.
Speaker:I can do these things in live seminars.
Speaker:So a reach out.
Speaker:If you'd like me to come and speak live at your business at
Speaker:your conference, it's all there.
Speaker:Go check out the other show notes, uh, reach out anytime
Speaker:you want to suggest a topic.
Speaker:Just go to the website, Jonathan doyle.co dot C And there's a contact page there.
Speaker:Shoot me an email.
Speaker:Let me know what topics you want me to cover.
Speaker:All right friends.
Speaker:We're heading into the weekend.
Speaker:Now it's going to be another wet, miserable, rainy one here
Speaker:in Australia, but that's okay.
Speaker:I've got a indoor training bike.
Speaker:Where I can still do ridiculous things.
Speaker:I hope you're still gonna get active over the weekend.
Speaker:You know, I always say if you're only walking to your letter box, then
Speaker:just walk to your letter box twice.
Speaker:It's all relative friends.
Speaker:Just get yourself moving.
Speaker:Get yourself active.
Speaker:Shut these gaps between your shirts.
Speaker:And you're must, the more you do this.
Speaker:The more your life improves and the more that you are a blessing
Speaker:and a joy to other people.
Speaker:So let's get some skin in the game.
Speaker:Please make sure you've subscribed.
Speaker:Go and check out the show notes.
Speaker:Go check out those links.
Speaker:My name's Jonathan Doyle, and I'll have another message for you tomorrow.
