Never in human history has it been easier to become distracted from doing the deep work we need to do or from investing in the relationships that matter the most.
In today’s episode I start with another great insight from Marcus Aurelius about the need to become ruthless with the distractions in our lives.
From there I go deep on a listener question about how I manage to balance obsession, effort and relentless drive with rest and still.
It is not always easy but it can be done.
Grab a free copy of my book Bridging the Gap here:
https://go.jonathandoyle.co/btg-pdf
Enquire about booking Jonathan to speak:
https://go.jonathandoyle.co/jd-speak-opt-in
Watch the Youtube version here:
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https://go.jonathandoyle.co/coaching
Transcript
Well, Hey everybody, Jonathan Doyle with you.
Speaker:Once again, welcome friends to the daily podcast as always.
Speaker:I do say this every day.
Speaker:Thank you for joining me.
Speaker:It's a great pleasure to have you here with me.
Speaker:In spirit in intellect in the studio.
Speaker:I hope I can bring you something useful today.
Speaker:Looking forward to today's episode.
Speaker:It's, uh, I'm going to respond to a listener question, which
Speaker:I think is going to be really useful to a great number of us.
Speaker:Please make sure you have subscribe.
Speaker:Hit that big subscribe button.
Speaker:Wherever you're listening.
Speaker:Whichever podcast platform you are on today.
Speaker:It would be awesome.
Speaker:If you could subscribe, if you could leave a comment, leave a writing, it does help.
Speaker:It's really appreciated.
Speaker:And of course, as always.
Speaker:Go and check out the show notes here.
Speaker:You can get links across to the YouTube channel.
Speaker:You can get free access to my book, bridging the gap.
Speaker:You can book me to speak and a whole bunch of other stuff.
Speaker:So I'd love you to do that.
Speaker:If you can.
Speaker:Uh, go check out those show notes.
Speaker:There's lots of good stuff there that I would love to share with you.
Speaker:Now, yesterday we started a bit of a journey with, uh, the Roman emperor,
Speaker:Marcus Aurelius, one of the most famous of the stoic philosophers.
Speaker:So.
Speaker:Uh, in future episodes, I'm just going to share a little bit of
Speaker:Marcus earliest insights each day.
Speaker:I think he's somebody that thought very deeply about life.
Speaker:Yesterday, we talked about the importance of character.
Speaker:In this section, he's talking about things that he has learned.
Speaker:He's looking back over his life.
Speaker:And he's thinking of all the, uh, crucial men and women that he's known at the
Speaker:highest levels of culture and power.
Speaker:And, uh, he just jots down, literally, this is what he did.
Speaker:He just, uh, setting his Imperial emperors.
Speaker:Tenten jotted down bits and pieces, and he never thought
Speaker:that anybody would read them.
Speaker:He really was doing this for his own erudition.
Speaker:But, uh, today he is writing down what he learned from his friend Maximus.
Speaker:Now, is this the Maximus from gladiator?
Speaker:I do not know because definitely they were contemporaries, but we're
Speaker:going to assume it is how so, just imagine here that, uh, Is it Peter
Speaker:O'Toole from the film is talking to Russell grow, but, uh, what did, uh,
Speaker:Marcus early has learned from Maximus?
Speaker:Uh, there's a few things.
Speaker:But today we're going to keep it really simple.
Speaker:He said, self-control.
Speaker:And resistance to distractions.
Speaker:Self-control and resistance to distractions you see in Imperial Rome.
Speaker:There was this crucial concept of gravitas, which they, which
Speaker:translates as manly seriousness.
Speaker:Sort of this idea that a, that a Roman.
Speaker:Man would conduct himself with a certain seriousness and, uh, and I don't
Speaker:know, sort of integrity and gravitas.
Speaker:And.
Speaker:What he learned from Maximus is this concept of self control, which is
Speaker:crucial of course, and resistance to distractions, which I'm sharing with
Speaker:you today because isn't not true.
Speaker:My friend that we live in just about the most distracted time in human history,
Speaker:for most of history, we simply sat around.
Speaker:And just hoped we had enough firewood, water, food, and
Speaker:protection from other tribes.
Speaker:And now we have about 400,000 ways to distract ourselves every day.
Speaker:I've been chipping away at this for a long time.
Speaker:Uh, getting rid of all social media.
Speaker:I think YouTube really?
Speaker:I guess if you'd call that social media, is there anything I have now?
Speaker:Getting rid of social media, uh, getting rid of news apps off my
Speaker:phone and recently getting rid of all email apps off my phone.
Speaker:So.
Speaker:Really there's nothing there.
Speaker:And it's a, for me it's incremental gains.
Speaker:It's like, it's just a little bit of time reclaimed each day.
Speaker:A little bit of mental clarity and seriousness.
Speaker:These distractions are endemic.
Speaker:They are everywhere.
Speaker:So I don't watch, literally I do not watch any mainstream TV.
Speaker:I haven't really watched any mainstream TV.
Speaker:I reckon it probably.
Speaker:I reckon probably 15, 20 years, I guess.
Speaker:Uh, I, I definitely would not have seen a single freeway mainstream
Speaker:TV show in gosh, at least a decade.
Speaker:Uh, so as I've often said, I tend to draw content from high level.
Speaker:Journalists on sub stack.
Speaker:If I need to get that stuff, a few other places.
Speaker:So much great stuff out there.
Speaker:There's so many great podcasts and interviews and just brilliant
Speaker:people sharing their wisdom.
Speaker:For free mostly.
Speaker:So a very few distractions, I think in my life.
Speaker:But I'm getting sensitized to it.
Speaker:I'm aware of it.
Speaker:I'm constantly trying to, uh, just to be on top of that.
Speaker:I think I listened to an interview recently with Lex Frieden.
Speaker:Uh, interesting guy like a Silicon valley guy.
Speaker:I think he's got a PhD in something crazy.
Speaker:Quantum something.
Speaker:But he just sort of did a work through of his, how we goes to a single day.
Speaker:And the kind of.
Speaker:He does three, four hour blocks of completely focused work.
Speaker:And he intersperses that with exercise and other stuff and still finds
Speaker:time for friends and other things.
Speaker:I mean, I've watched it and I thought.
Speaker:Yes, Lex, this is very, very good.
Speaker:The difference is that you don't have three young children, many of
Speaker:us, ah, You know, he's a single guy.
Speaker:Who's obviously got the time to do that, but I did take from it.
Speaker:Just the seriousness about which he approaches his life and his work.
Speaker:And that he maximizes his capacity to be undistracted and
Speaker:to produce really good work.
Speaker:I remember when I started my career as a teacher, I was struck by.
Speaker:How difficult the profession can be in terms of just the
Speaker:relentless teaching load.
Speaker:And all the other, I guess, expectations that are there now
Speaker:and all the other commitments.
Speaker:But I remember all those years ago, thinking it is so hard to be
Speaker:creative under these circumstances.
Speaker:It's so hard to have the quiet and the focus.
Speaker:To, um, to be able to be creative for, for students.
Speaker:So from my teachers and, and I've got many teachers that do listen.
Speaker:Whatever you can do to fight for moments of stillness and quiet
Speaker:and folk and a concentration.
Speaker:It's crucial.
Speaker:So thank you, Marcus Aurelius for this reminder of, uh,
Speaker:resistance to distraction.
Speaker:So my friend, as you go through today, Please just be mindful,
Speaker:be aware of all the distractions that are surrounding human slowly.
Speaker:Go to work.
Speaker:Just, you don't have to hit it all at once.
Speaker:I've just been chipping away at the minute.
Speaker:Uh, it does, it does work it just over time, you realize that.
Speaker:You can take a lot of control back now, today we're going to respond
Speaker:to we'll listen to a question.
Speaker:That's a good one.
Speaker:It goes to the heart of.
Speaker:I guess a paradox and attention that exists.
Speaker:In this podcast and videos that I do.
Speaker:Which is, I guess the kind of tension between if you listened
Speaker:to me, I guess you will think.
Speaker:That I go a million miles an hour every day.
Speaker:And look, to be honest, I think I do.
Speaker:I think I pretty much do go at life pretty hard.
Speaker:I think I always haven't led at least since my.
Speaker:Early twenties.
Speaker:I think.
Speaker:Uh, there's been an intensity about me.
Speaker:And a drivenness about me.
Speaker:So I want to take you through this listener question and as always, I'm going
Speaker:to try and make it relevant for everybody.
Speaker:Um, the first thing that this, uh, lovely listener says, I really love
Speaker:yesterday's podcast about revenge.
Speaker:If you haven't heard that one, it's just a last couple episodes.
Speaker:Go and have a look for that one.
Speaker:Uh, I have a few concerns about this podcast.
Speaker:I think service, cause I talk about serving people in that,
Speaker:in that episode is terrific.
Speaker:And that we ought to forget about our own concerns in our
Speaker:heads when we serve others.
Speaker:I agree with that.
Speaker:Totally.
Speaker:And the importance of connections.
Speaker:Cause I talked about social connections.
Speaker:However, we need to have boundaries and know when to
Speaker:stop and reflect on ourselves.
Speaker:I think we can be too hard on ourselves and push, push, push to grow.
Speaker:Sometimes we just need to stop and take stock and find meaning.
Speaker:Absolutely.
Speaker:So a few weeks ago, I got a very similar question.
Speaker:So, I guess I would highlight this as this tension and I'm going to
Speaker:suggest it doesn't necessarily have to be attention in our lives.
Speaker:Between action and contemplation at church yesterday, there was the reading
Speaker:of Martha and Mary, where, you know, Jesus is a guest in the house and a.
Speaker:Martha is, uh, is, uh, frustrated because a.
Speaker:You know, her sister isn't helping.
Speaker:And, uh, Jesus makes the point that just a contemplation that's sitting and listening
Speaker:to him is the most important thing.
Speaker:So this tension has always existed.
Speaker:Hasn't it?
Speaker:Between action stillness.
Speaker:Uh, how do we balance these things in our nature?
Speaker:So I can tell you friends that I have burned out at least twice in life.
Speaker:I'm not, I'm not saying that with any pride or hubris I've once in my
Speaker:mid twenties, early to mid twenties.
Speaker:Uh, I was just pushing too hard.
Speaker:And then I think I went through a pretty long season, maybe about a
Speaker:decade ago where I was traveling and speaking so much that I was.
Speaker:You know, spiritually, physically exhausted.
Speaker:Uh, so I have had firsthand experience with, I guess, what
Speaker:we're talking about today.
Speaker:I'm going to suggest that these things do not need to be mutually exclusive.
Speaker:Uh, as much as I do all the craziness that I do, I've been up
Speaker:since 4:00 AM this morning, I've done a 40 K race on the bike.
Speaker:Uh, Up and about, you know, it's six 30 here in the studio this morning.
Speaker:I still got to get kids to school.
Speaker:And, but after that, I'm going to go and sit in the local cathedral
Speaker:here and spend about an hour in silent contemplation meditation.
Speaker:So as much as you guys may hear me constantly talking about doing
Speaker:and goals and motivation and development and pushing forward.
Speaker:I'm balancing that with a lot of other parameters on balancing that with
Speaker:dedicated commitment to stillness and silence and prayer and meditation.
Speaker:With eating well with exercise.
Speaker:So for me, I hold these things intention, and I think we can do this.
Speaker:You know, you look at us, some interesting figures from history, you know, really
Speaker:busy people like mother Teresa, Gandy.
Speaker:Uh, you know, just two examples that spring to mind.
Speaker:Uh, that, uh, you know, managed to have these enormously influential active lives.
Speaker:But it was grounded in a deep relationship with stillness and silence.
Speaker:So I'm putting those two things together.
Speaker:Um, The next thing they ask in the, in the question is they talk about.
Speaker:Some family members who've suffered deeply with depression and.
Speaker:Um, the losses of life, like some traumatic losses.
Speaker:And I guess what this question is heading towards is.
Speaker:You know, what about the people who experienced deep trauma and deep pain,
Speaker:and don't seem to come back from that.
Speaker:So, what I'm going to say is this, when it comes to.
Speaker:Things like depression and mental health.
Speaker:You know, We were always dealing with, you know, the concept
Speaker:of genetic and epigenetic and neurochemical issues, right?
Speaker:So there's definitely a subset of people who through no fault of
Speaker:their own are dealing with genetic.
Speaker:Uh, biological neurochemical neurophysiological issues.
Speaker:That make it really hard to function quite the way they want to.
Speaker:So I'm.
Speaker:You know, I can't speak into that other than to say.
Speaker:You know, aspects of, of Western medicine can be helpful with that.
Speaker:This things that can be hopeful.
Speaker:What I'm.
Speaker:Getting at, in my own journey is.
Speaker:We all experienced traumas and setbacks and pain, and you know,
Speaker:I've done a lot of stuff in recent episodes on Victor Franklin.
Speaker:In man's search for meaning, you know, people that go through
Speaker:the most horrific circumstances.
Speaker:So the three books that come to mind would be man's search
Speaker:for meaning by Viktor Frankl.
Speaker:Um, the happiest man in the world by 80 Jocko, if you haven't listened
Speaker:to the audio version is brilliant.
Speaker:The happiest man alive or the happiest man in the world is just
Speaker:brilliant, just deeply moving.
Speaker:Um, and lately I've been reading and listening to the forgotten Highlander.
Speaker:I think it's by Alistair Mac, no, Alison McEntire that sail he's the philosopher.
Speaker:Just look up the forgotten Highlander.
Speaker:Because, uh, my son who's 12 is I just bought a copy for
Speaker:him and he's reading it too.
Speaker:You know, Alister MacIntyre goes through the most.
Speaker:Horrific.
Speaker:Experience in world war two.
Speaker:I mean, it just went on for him for three or four years, the level of
Speaker:torture and suffering and trauma.
Speaker:And he goes on to find a way through it all and rebuild a life.
Speaker:So what I'm getting at here is.
Speaker:There's a mystery in this, right?
Speaker:Like some people go through the most terrible suffering and find a way out
Speaker:and I completely get that some don't.
Speaker:So what's the difference.
Speaker:I don't actually know.
Speaker:I don't actually know other than to say.
Speaker:It has something to do with finding compelling meanings.
Speaker:That's kind of what Frankel's wisdom was that.
Speaker:That often when we experienced loss and suffering and trauma.
Speaker:If we construe it to be arbitrary with no meaning and no way
Speaker:out, we can collapse into that.
Speaker:And it becomes a kind of.
Speaker:I don't know, a kind of circular.
Speaker:Feedback system where we can't move out of it, because it just seems so arbitrary.
Speaker:And again, that's what Franklin was pointing to an outfit.
Speaker:She's going, that's so many people.
Speaker:We're so deeply traumatized and couldn't find any sense of meaning in it that
Speaker:they never were able to move out.
Speaker:So there seems to be a lot to do with this, the, uh, the necessary
Speaker:role of meaning in our lives, in our suffering and our difficulties.
Speaker:I've been on the bike today.
Speaker:I was watching an interview with Martin Shaw.
Speaker:Who's a British mythologist.
Speaker:And, you know, he made the point that, uh, we are deeply, deeply
Speaker:meaning seeking creatures deeply, meaning seeking creatures.
Speaker:And I just want to say to all of us, whatever you're going through in life,
Speaker:the real magic is finding meaning and finding what's going on behind it.
Speaker:And I want to get back to that in a second.
Speaker:There's two more quick pots to this lovely question from this lady.
Speaker:And she talks about having been involved in education for many years.
Speaker:And she said, I see on a daily basis, children who overdo their weekends, And
Speaker:are physically and mentally exhausted.
Speaker:Uh, those, you just sit at home playing electronics and a withdrawn.
Speaker:I really think there needs to be boundaries and routines
Speaker:with service to others.
Speaker:We need to look after ourselves as well.
Speaker:Look.
Speaker:Absolutely.
Speaker:It's rhythms, isn't it?
Speaker:It's rhythms.
Speaker:It's these rhythms of action and rest action and rest.
Speaker:So, as I said at the start, I you'd be surprised how.
Speaker:Rigorous and structured.
Speaker:I actually am.
Speaker:I really.
Speaker:You know, I put a high priority on sleep.
Speaker:I put a high priority on exercise.
Speaker:I put a high priority on prayer and meditation.
Speaker:I, I do all of these things pretty intensely.
Speaker:And so far it's, it's kind of working.
Speaker:Uh, as in, in, in all, its imperfections in my life.
Speaker:Uh, I'm definitely just someone who is just trying to grow.
Speaker:Y.
Speaker:I, as I was thinking about this tension, that's in this question, which is.
Speaker:You know, what is this balance between sitting still in life and resting in life
Speaker:and then taking radical action in life?
Speaker:You know, I've been talking.
Speaker:Recently in episodes about cam Hanes his book in Juha where the guy's just utterly
Speaker:obsessed and often some of the most.
Speaker:Successful people, if you want to use that word.
Speaker:Uh, just driven and obsessed.
Speaker:So how do you explain all this look?
Speaker:My thought is this.
Speaker:I love my kids, right.
Speaker:And it's just beautiful watching them grow.
Speaker:They're still young.
Speaker:They're kind of what?
Speaker:13, 12 and, oh, sorry.
Speaker:14.
Speaker:12 and a half and 11.
Speaker:And, um, it's beautiful to watch them step out into life more and more
Speaker:now, like the different interests and things that they're getting into.
Speaker:Uh, last night.
Speaker:You know, my son.
Speaker:Uh, just before bed just jumped on the piano and he's just ripping it.
Speaker:Like, he's just, you know, I've, I've always played guitar and
Speaker:been able to sing, but we're not a particularly musical family.
Speaker:And to watch him just, he he's really quite extraordinary and loves it.
Speaker:And.
Speaker:So my point here is as a father.
Speaker:When I see my kids.
Speaker:Pushing themselves and growing and doing interesting things.
Speaker:There's a lot of joy in that.
Speaker:But there's also a lot of joy in watching them when they're asleep.
Speaker:You know, when they're younger, you.
Speaker:You'd creep in there and you'd see them asleep and you love them just as much.
Speaker:So I think that's how God looks at us.
Speaker:He loves us when we're trying to grab life by its shirt front
Speaker:and shake everything out of it.
Speaker:And he loves us when we're still and binge watching a favorite
Speaker:movie series or something.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:So.
Speaker:I don't think God really is obsessed with.
Speaker:Either or I think God just wants us to take the gifts that he's
Speaker:given us and use them fully.
Speaker:That's kind of what drives me in the reason that I exercise it.
Speaker:You know, I love the solitude of exercises and endurance
Speaker:runner, long distance runner.
Speaker:I like the peace and the solid sheet of that stuff.
Speaker:So.
Speaker:Uh, I think God's good with all of it.
Speaker:Uh, but I just, I do think, I think we have this remarkable potential and.
Speaker:My hope for many of us is that we don't let these sufferings and the struggles
Speaker:of life and the traumas of life.
Speaker:Collapse us into states that we can't move out of.
Speaker:Because I don't think that that's the heart of God for us.
Speaker:I don't think he loves to see the way, but I don't think he wants us to stay trapped.
Speaker:In the losses and pains of life, he wants us to grow through them.
Speaker:The last part of this question is the person talks about, you know, that
Speaker:they're heading towards retirement.
Speaker:They're worried about losing the connections that they've had for
Speaker:many years and, you know, struggling with what they're going to do next.
Speaker:And I just want to say that all of us in life.
Speaker:And I said this in a couple of episodes ago, again from Victor Franklin,
Speaker:we're always being questioned by life.
Speaker:So when we hit a season of change and growth, We've got to ask ourselves
Speaker:really good questions, which is what is being asked of me now.
Speaker:So if you're coming into retirement, the question isn't that the focus
Speaker:should not be on what you might lose.
Speaker:The focus should be, what am I being invited into next?
Speaker:What, where can I love next?
Speaker:Where can I exercise my potential next?
Speaker:Uh, I've got another listener who.
Speaker:You may be listening to this who's, you know, at a similar age and, you know, but
Speaker:has recently got into Scottish dancing.
Speaker:And has started to study it at, I didn't know there was the advanced courses
Speaker:on this, but started to study it at a really high level to become accredited.
Speaker:They've just found a different way to stay interested and engaged in life.
Speaker:So whether you are 15 or 85, life is questioning you.
Speaker:You know, my daughter is, um, You know, almost 15 now.
Speaker:And.
Speaker:Uh, she is home educated and looking towards, going into university level
Speaker:study now at sort of 15, not because we're pushing a, because she actually
Speaker:is considering it and wants to do it.
Speaker:So she's facing questions of, you know, How do I grow?
Speaker:How do I discern what I should study?
Speaker:How do I become really?
Speaker:Self-governing and self-directed.
Speaker:So she's being questioned by life in that way.
Speaker:You know, you've got people in their eighties who have a
Speaker:different set of questions.
Speaker:So I want to say to everybody listening.
Speaker:Ask yourself.
Speaker:The question, what is life asking of me now?
Speaker:What is life asking of me?
Speaker:What is God asking of me?
Speaker:What am I being invited into next?
Speaker:I think he, you know, Deeper water.
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:It's always deeper water.
Speaker:It's like, I don't think God sort of goes, Hey, go back to where you were.
Speaker:I don't think he goes, go back to what you were doing many,
Speaker:many years ago and don't grow.
Speaker:He's always calling us forward life.
Speaker:The cosmos.
Speaker:This adventure of life is calling us forward into more growth,
Speaker:more controllable contribution.
Speaker:So look, that's a lot of stuff there we've gone from Marcus Aurelius is
Speaker:focused on removing distractions from our lives to balancing the
Speaker:paradox of effort, energy, and focus.
Speaker:And then dealing with the losses and traumas of life
Speaker:and, uh, and finally how we.
Speaker:Discern and act in different seasons.
Speaker:So friends.
Speaker:There's a lot there.
Speaker:But I just, for myself, I just, I, you know, I, I, I wrestled with depression
Speaker:and anxiety for so many years.
Speaker:I think I have a pathological terror of going back there.
Speaker:And so the way that I don't go back there is to stay hyper engaged in life.
Speaker:And to keep moving forward.
Speaker:And some of you might critique it and say, well, you're not facing.
Speaker:You know, You're not facing your past.
Speaker:Sorry, friends.
Speaker:I can promise you I've faced.
Speaker:In, in, in every detail.
Speaker:I've done the work.
Speaker:I can tell you that I have done the work.
Speaker:And, um, so now I'm just feel like I've been liberated from Egypt, you know,
Speaker:like I've been set free and I want to go forward and I want to contribute as
Speaker:much as I can in the time that's left.
Speaker:You know?
Speaker:And the last thing I'd say is.
Speaker:All of us have just got to live our own story, right?
Speaker:Like we've all got to live.
Speaker:The particular makeup that we have.
Speaker:You know, my father who died over a decade ago now.
Speaker:Was a guy who struggled massively with depression and
Speaker:with his health and his weight.
Speaker:And.
Speaker:His life, like he never got to do what he wanted to do with his life.
Speaker:He was forced into a career that he hated and he hated his entire life.
Speaker:And I've always been very aware.
Speaker:That there is a deep, reactive sense in me that I'm reacting to that.
Speaker:I grew up with it and I saw somebody.
Speaker:Who didn't get to live fully and never got to leave Egypt
Speaker:and stayed stuck in that story.
Speaker:And so there's things in me that are obviously very reactive and
Speaker:very driven by that, but I'm aware of it and I'm at peace with it.
Speaker:You know, maybe my kids will go the opposite way that maybe they'll go.
Speaker:My dad was, was crazy.
Speaker:He just never stopped.
Speaker:And maybe they're going to be very different, but.
Speaker:You know, It's all.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:We're all.
Speaker:We're all on a journey.
Speaker:Uh, we're all on a path.
Speaker:We've just got to do the best we can to, uh, actualize our potential
Speaker:in love and service of others.
Speaker:So friends, whether today for you.
Speaker:Means a hundred K endurance run or the today for you means ice cream and Netflix
Speaker:bingeing, you know, because you need rest.
Speaker:It's okay.
Speaker:Just be open and attuned.
Speaker:Don't stay stuck in negative.
Speaker:Stories of trauma and loss forever, but keep looking where
Speaker:you can love and we conserve.
Speaker:All right, everybody.
Speaker:That's it for today, please.
Speaker:Please make sure you have subscribed, hit that big subscribe button.
Speaker:And, um, I love doing these go and check out all the show notes.
Speaker:I'd love you to share this with some people.
Speaker:It's a great blessing when you do that, but that's it for now?
Speaker:My name's Jonathan Doyle.
Speaker:Make sure you've subscribed.
Speaker:And I'm going to have another message for you tomorrow.
