In this video, we will look into Mark Owen’s insight on how the pressure to be the best can create unrealistic expectations and lead to feelings of self-doubt and anxiety. Join us on this journey of self-discovery and personal growth, and discover how breaking free from the pressure to be the best can unlock your full potential.
Book a coaching call with me now
Grab a free copy of my book Bridging the Gap here:
https://go.jonathandoyle.co/btg-pdf
Enquire about booking Jonathan to speak:
https://go.jonathandoyle.co/jd-speak-opt-in
Find out about coaching with Jonathan here:
https://go.jonathandoyle.co/coaching
Jonathan is on Youtube here:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpCYnW4yVdd93N1OTbsxgyw
Karen’s MasterClass for Women is here:
https://bit.ly/geniusmasterclasskaren
Transcript
Well, Hey everybody, Jonathan Doyle with you.
Speaker:Once again, we'll come back, friends to the daily podcast.
Speaker:An incredibly creative and intelligent name for a podcast to simply because
Speaker:I try to do it every single day.
Speaker:It didn't take long to name the podcast.
Speaker:Welcome aboard.
Speaker:Please make sure you have subscribed.
Speaker:Hit that big subscribe button.
Speaker:Share this with family and friends.
Speaker:And please go and check out the links.
Speaker:You can book coaching time with me.
Speaker:Business coaching, personal coaching.
Speaker:Uh, go check out that link.
Speaker:You can also, of course.
Speaker:Book me to speak at conferences, events, training, and seminars.
Speaker:So that is all there.
Speaker:Friends, we are going to finish up.
Speaker:Uh, the kind of us Navy seals.
Speaker:David Goggins week of focus.
Speaker:If you're only just coming in on this podcast today.
Speaker:The last few days, I've been riffing on some quotes from former us Navy seal
Speaker:David Goggins, who I'm a big fan of.
Speaker:And, uh, um, this last episode in this little sequence, I'm
Speaker:going to share with you today.
Speaker:A really interesting little set of quotes from Mark Owen, who
Speaker:is also a former us Navy seal.
Speaker:What is my obsession with them?
Speaker:Why am I not obsessed with, I don't know.
Speaker:Pottery artists.
Speaker:Outer Lithuania.
Speaker:That was random.
Speaker:Y my Navy seal obsession, because having never been a Navy seal.
Speaker:I think I have, however, been somebody who's always been
Speaker:interested in peak performance and.
Speaker:Our limits and our capacity for limits.
Speaker:And I think what drives it for me is my father.
Speaker:Who's been dead for a long time.
Speaker:You know, he was somebody that really struggled with.
Speaker:Motivation.
Speaker:Mental health resilience, uh, physical wellbeing.
Speaker:And I really saw it take its toll on him.
Speaker:And it's something that obviously that I grew up with and grew up watching
Speaker:and, um, you know, so many memories of him being really stuck in life,
Speaker:you know, and stuck in his health and.
Speaker:I think that really shaped me.
Speaker:I think it really did.
Speaker:I'm very clear about that.
Speaker:It's um, you know,
Speaker:And over the years, I've done a lot of work and, and working through that.
Speaker:But I think it does drive me.
Speaker:I'm a piece without, I think it's, you know, we're all shaped by our
Speaker:past by childhood and wanting to leave a little something better.
Speaker:I think.
Speaker:You know my own son, I think he looked at me and it'll be the exact opposite.
Speaker:He'll be like,
Speaker:Well, I don't do any exercise because my dad did enough for two of us.
Speaker:I've grown up seeing me like, you know, The number of times I've
Speaker:come home and then Karen's like, kids know just don't don't talk.
Speaker:Just give him 10 minutes.
Speaker:Give him, give him 10 minutes.
Speaker:When I was running ultra marathons, I used to go out every Sunday and run a marathon.
Speaker:That's all guy out.
Speaker:This is only quite recently.
Speaker:I'd go out on a Sunday morning and run an Olympic marathon as you do.
Speaker:And when I came back, like it just took a while.
Speaker:It just took a little while.
Speaker:Until I felt normal again.
Speaker:And so they've really seen me, I guess.
Speaker:Take those things pretty seriously.
Speaker:And that's kind of why I love the Navy seal stuff because it's sort of men and.
Speaker:You know, and that have really taken themselves to those limits and
Speaker:learned about that mental toughness.
Speaker:So Mark Owens quite so Mark Owen.
Speaker:As I mentioned from a us Navy seal, I want to give you.
Speaker:Just a few quick quotes of his to wrap out our, that little sequence here together.
Speaker:And I like this when he says it's not about being the best.
Speaker:It's about being your best.
Speaker:It's not about being the best.
Speaker:It's about being your best.
Speaker:You know, People have asked me over the years.
Speaker:You know, did I ever struggle with anxiety and.
Speaker:You know, With public speaking.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:Because I think at the moment of recording, even though
Speaker:COVID put a dent in it,
Speaker:I'm pretty sure I've done round about.
Speaker:Just a little under half a million people, sort of 450,000 plus in live events.
Speaker:Over the last two decades.
Speaker:And so the bigger crowds I've done a north of sort of 10,000 people in the room.
Speaker:So.
Speaker:You know, when you.
Speaker:If anxiety is an issue, which it has been for me and stage fright, you know?
Speaker:Cause it's something I struggled with, you know, it was like, yeah, I was able
Speaker:to speak and I was, I was good at it.
Speaker:But there were times early in my career when I could be really paralyzed.
Speaker:And I think it was to do with all sorts of perfectionism, a whole
Speaker:bunch of other stuff, but what really pushed me through what were really
Speaker:created the shift, because there was times that it was really hard.
Speaker:Was this experience I had in, uh, uh, where was I in St.
Speaker:Louis?
Speaker:Um, in the states where.
Speaker:I spoken in event and.
Speaker:It was such a big crowd, but I, I just knew that I couldn't be anxious anymore.
Speaker:And my focus shifted.
Speaker:On really trying to serve the people in the room.
Speaker:And the minute I really focused on them.
Speaker:The anxiety disappeared.
Speaker:And my point is we listened to this quote.
Speaker:It's not about being the best.
Speaker:It's about being your best.
Speaker:What helped me was I realized that it was simply my job to bring
Speaker:the best that I could for them.
Speaker:And I didn't need to worry about was I better than anybody else or good enough.
Speaker:It was just.
Speaker:While I'm here.
Speaker:I'm just going to try and serve these people with who I am
Speaker:the best that I possibly can.
Speaker:So I like this mark.
Speaker:I wasn't quite because it's.
Speaker:It's really good.
Speaker:It's not about being the best.
Speaker:We don't have to put that pressure on yourself.
Speaker:You don't have to put your pressure on yourself to be the best in
Speaker:anything, the best parent, the best.
Speaker:Mother father spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, principal, business owner.
Speaker:You don't have dealers.
Speaker:You can't.
Speaker:I mean, how many places in life can you actually be the best at anything?
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:Like even in elite sports, The best of the best alternates often from week to week.
Speaker:So no one really gets to be the best.
Speaker:We just get to be our best.
Speaker:Which ties into some of the themes this week, we've discussed around our
Speaker:human potential and making choices that are congruent to moving us forward.
Speaker:I I'm going to.
Speaker:Business mastermind.
Speaker:I was talking to the guys recently and I said, you know, I quoted
Speaker:the Scholastic philosopher, the 14th century, John DUNS, SCOTUS.
Speaker:Now, this is a quote from DUNS, John DUNS, SCOTUS, which has
Speaker:really impacted me over many years.
Speaker:And he said every human comparison.
Speaker:Is essentially diabolical every human comparison.
Speaker:Is essentially which means in its essence and its nature.
Speaker:Satanic, basically, it means every way that we compare ourselves to someone else.
Speaker:Is evil.
Speaker:Now, some of y'all go, hang on.
Speaker:This sounds terrible.
Speaker:We human.
Speaker:We can't help ourselves.
Speaker:We do it.
Speaker:Yes, we do do it, but, but the philosopher's comment was simply that.
Speaker:Our creation is it is a gift like God creates us.
Speaker:As a pure gift.
Speaker:It's radical gift.
Speaker:And he doesn't want us to be anybody else and he doesn't want us to be the best.
Speaker:He just wants us to be us.
Speaker:So John DUNS SCOTUS was saying, if we compare ourselves to others,
Speaker:we're actually basically telling God that his work wasn't good enough.
Speaker:And that we'd be happier and better if we were just like X and we
Speaker:all fall into it, I fall into it.
Speaker:But the purpose of today's message is to remind us that
Speaker:we don't need to be the best.
Speaker:We just need to be our best.
Speaker:We just need to try and constantly grow.
Speaker:And how about fail?
Speaker:We'll have setbacks.
Speaker:We'll have good days and bad days, but the trajectory, what I'm interested
Speaker:in your life is your trajectory.
Speaker:Are you progressively improving?
Speaker:And the second thing from Mako and here, which we'll wrap up on today, he says
Speaker:you never know what you're capable of until you push yourself to the limit.
Speaker:It's been a real theme for me in recent weeks and recent episodes.
Speaker:I've been talking a lot about identity.
Speaker:And how do you change your own sense of identity?
Speaker:Because whatever your sense of identity is, you will live that out.
Speaker:You will tend to live your sense of identity.
Speaker:And it's very subtle.
Speaker:It's often happening to us that we don't even know what's happening.
Speaker:It's a great quote from Jamie Kern, Lima who started a cosmetics
Speaker:empire from the floor of her.
Speaker:Or apartment.
Speaker:And she said you don't rise to the level of your goals and
Speaker:dreams you fall or plateau.
Speaker:To the level of your identity.
Speaker:Isn't that against?
Speaker:She said you don't rise to the level of your dreams and goals you full or plateau.
Speaker:To the level of your identity.
Speaker:So the work that I've been doing in the reading I've been doing recently is
Speaker:if you want to shift identity, if you want to change your sense of self and
Speaker:pillar, what would I want to do that?
Speaker:Well, put it this way.
Speaker:If you have the identity that you're always a victim.
Speaker:All of that.
Speaker:It's everything in life is your fault.
Speaker:If your identity is that your boring or unpopular or too
Speaker:much or too little of anything.
Speaker:Then you're going to live in congruence with identity.
Speaker:Humans tend to do that.
Speaker:We want to live in congruence with who we think we are.
Speaker:So one of the mechanisms by which you change identity.
Speaker:Is by putting yourself in situations where you do different things
Speaker:you didn't think you could do.
Speaker:Now that brings us back to this market.
Speaker:I won't quote, you never know what you're capable of.
Speaker:Until you push yourself to the limit.
Speaker:And this is one of the things I used to teach a lot about with a Navy seal stuff.
Speaker:Is that they have these experiences where they constantly put
Speaker:themselves right at the threshold.
Speaker:Of what's difficult.
Speaker:What's extremely difficult.
Speaker:So there's a documentary.
Speaker:One of the seal instructors said, he goes, look, these guys
Speaker:are phenomenal athletes, right?
Speaker:They come into the seals selection program in absolute peak state.
Speaker:But he said, if we just want him to break them physically, he said
Speaker:we could do it on the first day.
Speaker:No matter how fit they are.
Speaker:Look, think about it.
Speaker:Doesn't matter how fit you are.
Speaker:It doesn't matter if you're the fittest person on the planet.
Speaker:If somebody says, just do one pushup after another forever,
Speaker:you just eventually collapsed.
Speaker:Like, so it's not about just destroying people.
Speaker:What the seals do is they take people right up to the level of
Speaker:the, kind of the most extreme level, and then they pull them back.
Speaker:And so Mark Owen is saying here that you don't find what you're capable
Speaker:of until you're at that limit.
Speaker:So, if you want to change identity, you have to choose situations
Speaker:where you're stretched and tested.
Speaker:You know, for me as someone who trains a lot, especially with things like cycling.
Speaker:Cause.
Speaker:Where I live, it's a really high-level competitive cycling community.
Speaker:So you're constantly in a situation where you're getting wrecked.
Speaker:Racing with people that are really strong.
Speaker:So I get to experience that in that area.
Speaker:But I think the challenge for all of us is that in other areas of life,
Speaker:we're really taken to our limits.
Speaker:Yeah, Karen and I have been really.
Speaker:You know, really sort of rebuilding our business since COVID like a lot of people
Speaker:we got really affected by it because we couldn't travel and the education sector
Speaker:was affected and a whole bunch of things.
Speaker:And the work that we had been doing, you know, with our team, we've been
Speaker:building and rebuilding our team here.
Speaker:And so.
Speaker:All the training that we're doing with our team and building stuff and changing
Speaker:staff and, and just the client work and all the different things we're doing.
Speaker:I'm like, man, this is really hard.
Speaker:And my daughter, who's got a real business head, you know?
Speaker:Uh, she's seeing it.
Speaker:And I said to her, I said, oh, she's got, she had a real entrepreneurial heart.
Speaker:And I said, you're seeing it right.
Speaker:You're seeing that if you want to.
Speaker:Really grow a business, then it is not like the movies.
Speaker:It's like, you got to really get it done.
Speaker:You got to take yourself to the limit.
Speaker:So for Karen and I like our capacity, our capability, our
Speaker:experience in life is going to be quite affected by this experience.
Speaker:We're in at the moment, we're really pushing ourselves pretty hard and.
Speaker:I know some of you probably listening to me, anything, Jonathan is so full on.
Speaker:Like you're so full on.
Speaker:I go, yeah, I rest, right.
Speaker:Like I'm in the studio now, but, um, and when I get out of here,
Speaker:I'm going to take someone into the, you know, It's Friday
Speaker:afternoon here in the studio.
Speaker:It's the first game of the rugby season tonight.
Speaker:And I'm looking forward to that.
Speaker:Um, I'm going to cycle with a friends tomorrow.
Speaker:It's more of a social ride, so I don't get destroyed on it and we're
Speaker:going to have breakfast together.
Speaker:So.
Speaker:I want to tell you the truth.
Speaker:Yes, I do push myself.
Speaker:Yes, I do go hard at it, but I also am pretty disciplined
Speaker:around recovery and rest.
Speaker:I'd like to be a little better at it.
Speaker:But, um, I do take that seriously, but so look summary, let's wrap this up.
Speaker:First quote, it's not about being the best.
Speaker:It's about being your best.
Speaker:So let's consciously think about, okay, where are you at in life?
Speaker:Where are you at in your life or you trip or you traveling towards improvement?
Speaker:Are you getting a little better?
Speaker:Are you deliberately trying to get a little better?
Speaker:And the second part of today's quite was that you don't know what you're capable
Speaker:of until you push yourself to the limit.
Speaker:And you got to choose that you got to choose that.
Speaker:Do hard things, do hard things.
Speaker:Not every minute of every day, but as often as possible, do some hard things.
Speaker:And of course, I also quite a Jamie Kern Lima, one more time.
Speaker:We'll give you that.
Speaker:She says you don't rise to the level of your goals and dreams.
Speaker:You fall or plateau to the level of your identity How do you change identity you
Speaker:change your identity by doing things you didn't think you could do You know how
Speaker:do you become a surfer Well you become a surfer By being someone who never served
Speaker:who goes and does surfing a lot and then after you've done surfing you've had
Speaker:different experiences And you've proved yourself that you could do something you
Speaker:didn't do before you become a surfer Is there anything in life we do we become
Speaker:by doing it All right everybody that's a big episode that a lot of stuff in there.
Speaker:I hope it's useful for you please make sure you've subscribed go check
Speaker:out those links book coaching with me You can book a What else you can
Speaker:book me to speak at conferences events training for your staff all of that's
Speaker:possible i hope it's a blessing to you.
Speaker:my name's jonathan doyle this has been the daily podcast and you and
