Many people can end up living life looking through the rear-view mirror but it’s hard to go forward when you’re always looking backward. In today’s message I discuss an insight from my recent reading of Cameron Hanes’ book Endure. He helps us to understand that no matter what has happened to us we do have the power to determine if our life-story becomes a crutch or a chisel in the way it shapes our present and future.
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Transcript
Well, Hey everybody, Jonathan Doyle with you as always for the daily message.
Speaker:Hope you're doing well.
Speaker:Thanks again for.
Speaker:Dropping by for a little bit of daily encouragement, motivation and inspiration.
Speaker:These kinds of things that we need to do.
Speaker:Over and over again, it's just one of those things about being human,
Speaker:that, uh, inspiration, encouragement, motivation seem to be things that
Speaker:we need to do on a daily basis.
Speaker:As the story goes, you don't exercise once in your life and say,
Speaker:well, that's it I've exercised.
Speaker:I don't need to do that again.
Speaker:You know, and brush your teeth once, or have a shower once in life and say, well,
Speaker:that's done, you do them on a daily basis.
Speaker:So that's kind of one of the reasons why this little daily podcast exists.
Speaker:Because I need.
Speaker:Daily reminders.
Speaker:I, uh, I need daily encouragement and inspiration.
Speaker:It's a lifestyle.
Speaker:I think it's a lifestyle of constantly trying to feed
Speaker:ourselves with good information.
Speaker:And, um, you know, for me, this journey of this content over a long period
Speaker:of time, it isn't about the magical.
Speaker:Thinking where you just visualize some far distant goal and you
Speaker:magically attracted into your life.
Speaker:It's not wishful thinking.
Speaker:It's not magical thinking.
Speaker:It's.
Speaker:Basically looking at the great principles of, uh, common sense, practical, personal
Speaker:development, and just the things we can do to be conscious, to be intentional.
Speaker:To be awake every day.
Speaker:To all the things that we do to sabotage ourselves, to hold ourselves back.
Speaker:Some days we are on our own team and others.
Speaker:We, the other days we are not on our own teams.
Speaker:So this whole journey is not about sort of pumping your own tires and a.
Speaker:Telling yourself, all sorts of stories that you don't even believe
Speaker:a true, you know, some of those affirmations, you know, that, uh, I'm
Speaker:attracting into my life and you push.
Speaker:Hey, maybe it works.
Speaker:Maybe it doesn't.
Speaker:I've never been one to use it.
Speaker:So I can't comment, but, uh, I guess what we want to do here.
Speaker:It's just use good practical insights and common sense for me.
Speaker:And from a lot of the reading that I do and other amazing
Speaker:men and women around the world.
Speaker:Who we're all on this journey with us housekeeping as always, please
Speaker:make sure you have subscribed.
Speaker:One of the real joys of life is checking in on the, uh, The podcast dashboard
Speaker:and seeing the numbers just growing.
Speaker:So it means a lot to me just to be able to reach more people.
Speaker:Um, the podcast is not monetized.
Speaker:It's a, it's just a great way.
Speaker:For me to feel that I am encouraging and reaching people around the world.
Speaker:So you subscribing and leaving a comment or adding a rating is a real blessing.
Speaker:So please do that.
Speaker:Uh, and of course in the show notes, if you want to go deep with anything.
Speaker:Uh, that I'm doing.
Speaker:Go check out the show notes.
Speaker:I've got a free.
Speaker:Uh, access pass to my book, bridging the gap.
Speaker:It completely free access to the book.
Speaker:We'll send you chapters every couple of days.
Speaker:You can find out how to book me to speak.
Speaker:And they'll always be a link across to the YouTube version.
Speaker:If you want to see me do a.
Speaker:A version of what I'm talking about today on video, this shorter, I sort
Speaker:of keep them a little bit shorter, but you can find that content.
Speaker:It's all in the show notes.
Speaker:So go check that out today.
Speaker:We are doing part two in a little series on a gentlemen
Speaker:called Cameron Hanes cam Hanes.
Speaker:If you missed yesterday's episode, it was the first time
Speaker:you've heard me mention his name.
Speaker:Jump back to yesterday.
Speaker:Where I introduce them a little bit more deeply and talk about the
Speaker:concept of obsession of having a magnificent obsession in our lives.
Speaker:Something that we are deeply passionate about that we sacrifice for, because.
Speaker:It helps us to grow.
Speaker:It helps us to contribute and it inspires and encourages the people around us.
Speaker:So that's why obsession is so important in life.
Speaker:And yesterday I said that it's my belief that we all have them.
Speaker:We all have them.
Speaker:There may be buried, but I do not believe that there are two classes of people
Speaker:in existence, some who get to have.
Speaker:Passionate dreams and obsessions and plans, and then some who don't.
Speaker:So go check that out.
Speaker:Today we're going into another part of campaigns is work.
Speaker:Uh, campaigns of course, is the world's greatest living bow hunter.
Speaker:Ultra distance runner all around athlete, a family man, husband, father.
Speaker:Holds down a full-time job while doing all this other crazy stuff.
Speaker:So a really interesting guy and I came across his book endure.
Speaker:Which I do recommend to you.
Speaker:It's a fantastic book.
Speaker:It's had a very big influence on me.
Speaker:And today I want to share a quote with you and then just speak about it briefly.
Speaker:He, you know, Kim Hanes is a guy that came from.
Speaker:You know, from average town USA, he was Mr.
Speaker:Average, you know, he ended up.
Speaker:Uh, you know, his father was an alcoholic, his parents were divorced.
Speaker:Uh, he ended up, uh, you know, leaving her leading a very
Speaker:basic average mediocre life.
Speaker:He was working at a cardboard factory.
Speaker:Cutting up cardboard and stacking piles of it.
Speaker:Day after day.
Speaker:Hey, you know, he slowly got into running and different things.
Speaker:And then eventually one day I got invited to go bow hunting and that
Speaker:launched his magnificent obsession, which changed the rest of his life.
Speaker:But.
Speaker:His journey was really one of overcoming.
Speaker:The limiting factors in his own life, the things that he'd been
Speaker:through in his childhood that, uh, you know, a lot of people would allow
Speaker:to dictate the rest of their life.
Speaker:And that's the focus of today's episode.
Speaker:I want to talk about.
Speaker:The ways in which we can use.
Speaker:A story.
Speaker:Uh, wounds and our weaknesses.
Speaker:Uh, childhood stories to limit where we are, because it is as
Speaker:awkward and as uncomfortable it is to say, as it is for me to say this
Speaker:many people do allow their past.
Speaker:To very much.
Speaker:I prescribe their present and dictate their future.
Speaker:They allow their past to prescribe their present and dictate their future.
Speaker:So I want to give you this quote here from cam Hanes.
Speaker:Some page 19 of his book in journey says these exact words.
Speaker:He says, it's easy to use your childhood as a crutch.
Speaker:Instead of seeing it as a chisel.
Speaker:There are so many crutches.
Speaker:People want to use to justify themselves, but for me, you have to
Speaker:eliminate every single one of them.
Speaker:Get rid of all of them, then tell yourself it's up to you.
Speaker:What are you going to do now that you've let go of those crutches?
Speaker:So my friend, there is a lot in this.
Speaker:Uh, it's a little controversial and I think it makes people
Speaker:uncomfortable because.
Speaker:I've argued many times in the podcast that we live in an extremely therapeutic age.
Speaker:I do not.
Speaker:Uh, doubt for a second, that there's many good therapists and
Speaker:counselors who genuinely seek to make a difference in people's lives.
Speaker:But I also have felt that there is a kind of a therapeutic industry, whether
Speaker:it's in terms of, you know, the, the therapeutic medication of people.
Speaker:With, um, you know, Uh, mental trauma and past trauma, or whether it's the
Speaker:wider therapeutic index industry.
Speaker:Where.
Speaker:It's become a kind of go-to that, that when we deal with suffering and
Speaker:hardship, we automatically pursue therapy.
Speaker:I don't want to be sensible here.
Speaker:I don't want to say that there's no place for it.
Speaker:I've just observed that.
Speaker:It can be a place where we rehash and replay and rehearse.
Speaker:A story about our backgrounds without often moving forward.
Speaker:Now I know, again, there are great therapists that would dispute that,
Speaker:and there are practical things that they do that do help people, but.
Speaker:My concern is that sometimes we can get so good.
Speaker:At delineating and articulating all of our negative past experiences
Speaker:that we allow those negative past experiences to dictate.
Speaker:Our experience of our present.
Speaker:We take on a story.
Speaker:We take on a persona.
Speaker:Such as X happened to me when I was 5, 10, 15, whatever.
Speaker:And because this happened to me, therefore, this it's very,
Speaker:um, it's very deterministic.
Speaker:It's very, it has shoes that, you know, that whatever happened to us in the
Speaker:past is going to remain semipermanent.
Speaker:And there's a few reasons.
Speaker:I think it's problematic.
Speaker:One is that we see throughout history, vast numbers of amazing men and
Speaker:women who come from extreme trauma.
Speaker:And extreme suffering to make something magnificent of their lives.
Speaker:So for the first obvious point, Is it about past we're truly
Speaker:deterministic, truly prescriptive of our present and future.
Speaker:Then you just wouldn't see that you would see kind of a, an algebraic equation,
Speaker:you know, X equals Y where if you come from X, then automatically Y will happen.
Speaker:But we don't see that.
Speaker:What we see is men and women often.
Speaker:Transcending their history to do something extraordinary with their lives.
Speaker:And that's why cam Hayne says here, it's easy to use your childhood as a
Speaker:crutch instead of seeing it as a chisel.
Speaker:I like that metaphor.
Speaker:That, um, what if the difficulties and the pains and the
Speaker:sufferings that we went through?
Speaker:We're not so much a crutch that we were meant to use for the rest of our lives,
Speaker:but actually we're a kind of chisel that shaped and formed our characters.
Speaker:Now we would never have chosen it.
Speaker:We would never go looking for it.
Speaker:And I don't diminish for a second, the terrible things
Speaker:that can happen to all of this.
Speaker:Um, as, as younger people.
Speaker:And yeah, of course, you know, we've, we've got to do everything
Speaker:we can to limit that in our society, you know, in a healthy culture.
Speaker:But what if some of the rejections, the failures, the setbacks, the
Speaker:hurtful things that happened to us?
Speaker:Also a kind of chisel.
Speaker:That has shaped us into the people that we've become.
Speaker:And what of, instead of seeing all of the suffering as purely negative, what if it
Speaker:was in some sense, empowering some sense.
Speaker:It had prepared us.
Speaker:For future success and future glory.
Speaker:So he goes.
Speaker:You know, repeat his quote.
Speaker:He says there's so many crutches people want to use to justify themselves.
Speaker:And I think that's a really important insight is that.
Speaker:If your results are terrible, then we, you know, in life.
Speaker:And if you're going through all this repeated patterns of dysfunction,
Speaker:Then we do want to look for a reason don't we, I mean, we
Speaker:either go into avoidance drug and alcohol, other forms of addiction.
Speaker:We also want to avoid the reality of where we are.
Speaker:Well, we going to blame, and I've said this for years on the show.
Speaker:That blame or avoidance tend to be the dominant patterns.
Speaker:When people do not want to really move forward.
Speaker:Because moving forward is painful.
Speaker:Integrating your past, integrating your pain is painful.
Speaker:So often we want to avoid it.
Speaker:But what he's saying to us here is what, if you have to just throw the crutches
Speaker:away, what if at some point in our lives, we have to say, yep, that happened.
Speaker:That's what it was.
Speaker:You know, I wouldn't have wished that on anybody, but it happened.
Speaker:And it was horrible, but I can choose an empowering meaning from that.
Speaker:And I can go forward from here.
Speaker:You know, he was really driven by his own father who was.
Speaker:Very very gifted athlete, but became an alcoholic pretty early in life.
Speaker:And there's a line here on the same page where cam Hanes is
Speaker:talking about his own father.
Speaker:And he said he had a lot of potential that he never got to take advantage of.
Speaker:Because of drinking in the prime of his athletic life.
Speaker:So you can see here that, um, you know, Cam's looking into his own father's
Speaker:background and seeing this limitation, this limiting story that really
Speaker:held his father back and obviously impacted Cameron when he was younger,
Speaker:obviously really shaped his perception.
Speaker:So, does anybody want an alcoholic parent?
Speaker:Does anybody want to sign up for that and think it's a good thing?
Speaker:No.
Speaker:But you can see in cam Hanes his story, that he's able to look into that past.
Speaker:And make a series of decisions about his future based on
Speaker:the pain of that experience.
Speaker:So again, we're back to this sort of process of empowering meaning we're
Speaker:back to this process of no matter what happens to us, we can find.
Speaker:And impairing meaning we can take it as a chisel rather than as a crutch.
Speaker:So I don't know about you, my friend, but I just think we're in this cultural
Speaker:moment of, you know, Uh, victim mentality of, of massive power differentials
Speaker:between different groups were claiming some form of victim status is a
Speaker:way to advance oneself rather than.
Speaker:Acknowledging our past acknowledging the difficulties that we've all faced.
Speaker:And then saying, what if this made me tough?
Speaker:What if this made me compassionate?
Speaker:What did this make me courageous?
Speaker:What if this made me.
Speaker:Uh, you know, a parent 10 times better than what I grew up with.
Speaker:What is this?
Speaker:Yes, I may have come from.
Speaker:You know, relationship breakdowns, but what if I go on to take all that
Speaker:pain and work incredibly hard on successful relationships of my own.
Speaker:So it really comes down to how we find a meaning to move and move forward.
Speaker:You know, and, and really no matter what we've been through.
Speaker:And many of you would know who've met me personally.
Speaker:You know, know that, uh, my own backstory is very much full of some of that
Speaker:pain and challenge and suffering and.
Speaker:You know, at times for me, it's been a very difficult ride and I've had to learn.
Speaker:I've had to learn through a great deal of suffering over a long period of
Speaker:time to choose different meanings, to begin, to be mentally disciplined and
Speaker:take control of what I actually think.
Speaker:And allow my thinking to be more productive and effective in my own life.
Speaker:So friends that's it for today.
Speaker:Let me know what you think.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:So please.
Speaker:You can email me@jonathanatjonathandoyle.co.
Speaker:You can jump across to the YouTube version and leave a comment on this.
Speaker:If you think it's absolutely crazy.
Speaker:Um, but I'd love to know what you think on the difference between crutches
Speaker:and chisels and what happens in life.
Speaker:When we throw those crutches away, we throw those stories away.
Speaker:We take radical ownership.
Speaker:We take real responsibility for our lives and for their direction.
Speaker:Yeah, it's an impairing moment.
Speaker:Really?
Speaker:When you actually can look back at your past.
Speaker:And, you know, nothing's wasted you often, you look at that
Speaker:movie, the prince of Egypt, right.
Speaker:You know, the old animated, maybe a kid's movie.
Speaker:Telling the story of Moses coming out of Egypt and you see that.
Speaker:All is, you know, that all of his life, both his early life and its
Speaker:successes and then his kind of exile.
Speaker:All of it ends up becoming really useful.
Speaker:At the peak of his life.
Speaker:So don't discount that.
Speaker:You know, some of what you've lived through.
Speaker:Some of the pain that you've lived through may still have a powerful,
Speaker:powerful impact in the years ahead.
Speaker:If you can find a meaning, if you can, you know, If you can find a way to
Speaker:tell a richer story about what you've come from and where you're heading.
Speaker:All right.
Speaker:I hope that's useful.
Speaker:Please make sure you've subscribed.
Speaker:Go check out all the links in the show notes.
Speaker:Let me know what you think.
Speaker:Uh, I'm back tomorrow.
Speaker:We'll probably do one more session on cam Hanes and I've
Speaker:got so much good stuff to come.
Speaker:I've got about 10 days worth of episodes and I'm really looking forward to doing.
Speaker:Of course, I got the road trip next week four and a half thousand
Speaker:kilometers on the motorbikes.
Speaker:I'll be doing live videos on that trip.
Speaker:Daily podcasting from her skewer parts of semi Outback Australia.
Speaker:So it's going to be great.
Speaker:So I hope you can come and join me on that.
Speaker:So please make sure you subscribe a God.
Speaker:Bless your friends.
Speaker:Whenever you've lived through whatever's happened.
Speaker:You're still here.
Speaker:You're still listening.
Speaker:Your story is not finished.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:Your story is not finished.
Speaker:You can find a better meaning, but God bless you.
Speaker:My name's Jonathan Doyle, this has been the daily message.
Speaker:And I'll have another one for you tomorrow.
