How To Increase Resilience And Why It Matters.

Well, hey there, Jonathan Doyle with you.

Thanks so much for taking a moment to check out this short presentation on this

crucial and important topic of resilience.

You are about to hear a live presentation that I gave to a large group of

high school students on this really crucial issue that seems to be getting

more and more coverage these days.

In this presentation, I'm gonna define what resilience actually.

. I'm gonna talk about why it's becoming so much more important

in the last few decades, and then we're gonna do two things.

They're gonna give you some theoretical frameworks about how you can think

about resilience, that'll really help you grow in the whole area.

And then we're gonna do some practical stuff.

I'm gonna give you some practical things you can do to really grow and improve in.

Of resilience.

I don't know about you, but it is a complex, challenging,

demanding time in human history.

There is so much coming at us.

So this presentation is about helping all of us grow in this

crucial strength of resilience.

How we can s.

Bring back into shape when all the challenges of life hit us.

Now, this presentation, as I said, was given to a large group of high

school students, but you can apply this anywhere, whether you are eight

or 80, there are principles here that you can use in family, in your

personal life, in your business life.

So make sure you stay to the very end.

because that's where the real gold is.

Wanna do the practical steps underneath here, Wherever you're watching,

there's a whole bunch of links.

Go and check out the link, uh, to find out how you can book me to speak live.

I do this presentation live for groups all over the world,

businesses, schools, students, uh, whatever organization you're with.

Go and check out the links here.

Find out how you can book me to come and do this presentation live.

I think you can really agree with me that, um, there's always something special and

we're in a live room with real humans.

All right, that's it for me.

We're gonna jump into the presentation.

I'll catch up with you again at the end, but, uh, I really hope that this helps

you to grow and helps you to flourish.

My name's Jonathan Doyle.

I'll see you on the other end.

I'm here to do a really simple sales job.

I need to sell you on the concept of resilience in a very short space of time.

Resilience.

What is it and why would you want it?

Is it possible?

Maybe we don't want it.

Maybe we want less resilience.

So what I'm gonna do over the time I have with you is just bring your

three, three pillars really simply.

I always like people to know where we're going over the course

of a short presentation step.

What is resilience?

We can't improve something without defining it, right?

We want to know what it is.

Then we need to decide if we want it, if it's useful to us, and

then we need to decide how we go about actually getting more of it.

Step two is why is it a bigger issue now than it ever has been before?

For example, when I sat where you sit at your age, I, I could

tell you I'd never heard of it.

Like I went through the whole of my secondary schooling.

I never heard it mentioned.

. It's a relatively new phenomenon, only something we're talking

about much more, more recently, and I think that's important.

So we wanna know why we're talking about it more now because if you

understand that, that can be helpful.

Final stage is, um, what can we do to increase it?

We're gonna define it, we're gonna decide why it's more important, and

then I'm gonna give you two parameters by which you can increase it, right?

I'm gonna give you some theoretical things you can think.

Conceptual frameworks, then I'll give you practical things you can do.

There is no point in sitting in a room for this long and simply walking away

thinking, Well, that wasn't too terrible.

I need to make sure we give you something you can actually put into practice.

Yeah, something actually changes things.

Otherwise, we're all amusing ourselves for no good purpose.

So friends, we begin with this, the concept of what is resilience.

Resilience does not come to us from psych.

Many of you would automatically think, given these things, that it

is a mental thing we gotta make.

Did it come from psychology?

Did it come from sociology?

It actually comes to us from science, and I want you to

see the scientific definition.

Once you see that, we'll take it a step further.

Scientific definition, the capability of a strained body object to recover

its size and shape after deformation.

Caused, especially by compressive stress, you're they going,

How is that relevant to me?

And why are we here?

I picked this up in the office just for our left, there's a micro, a microphone

cover for an SM seven B microphone.

Now, if you look at this, this is a body, it's a physical object, right?

If I add compressive stress to it, I'm gonna compress it.

It's resilience in the scientific.

Is whether or not it regains its original shape after deformation.

Let's watch it.

We're gonna deform it with compressive stress.

Yeah, we let it go.

It immediately returns to its original shape.

That's resilience.

That's where it comes to us from the ability of an object to experience

pressure, compressive stress.

And return to its original shape.

So this thing, theoretically, we could say scientifically has a

reasonable amount of resilience here.

We could do this over and over and over and over again, and we would

find that it's particularly resilient.

You with me?

All right, ju, do me a favor.

Good man.

Come up front here for me.

This is another body, it's physical object.

This is a box that Olivia and Karen took to Sydney with tea bags.

Peppermint for Olivia English.

Breakfast for Karen Jude.

Um, I'm gonna place that there.

Would you please provide downward compressive stress to

that physical object for me?

All right, grab a seat.

Thank you.

Well done.

You know, you, you know what's gonna happen Jude.

I'm gonna get home and Karen go, Have you seen that car box of my tea?

I can't find it anywhere.

Physical body compressive.

Stress.

See its resilience.

Yeah.

You with me?

You getting principle?

This one.

This one.

Different objects, different levels of compressive stress, different results.

This is not retaining its shape.

This is not going back to what it was.

So let's take it to the way that we would understand it.

It's our ability to recover from stress, suffering, rejection, or

adversity to recover, to retain our.

For each one of you in this room to go through difficult, possibly

traumatic, painful experiences of suffering, rejection, who knows trauma.

We're not going down that rabbit hole with anybody individually,

but you live long enough.

There is not a single one of you in this room.

They're gonna put their hand up and say that you have not experienced something.

Right?

So the question becomes, what do you do with that?

How do you recover from it?

Is it simply genetics Does, you know?

Is it Colleen?

Do you just recover better than Arabella because of genetics?

Is it environment?

Is it all these different factors?

Is it fair that some of us would just get really good at, Some of us wouldn't.

So this is what I think resilience means.

Some people recover.

Some people don't.

Let's make it practical.

Girls, you're in a friendship group.

Someone says something about you post something about

you, does something to you.

It is an experience of this.

Do you recover shape?

At what rate?

At what speed?

What do you tell yourself about it?

Men, you have an experience of failure.

Failure for us is kind of the parallel of rejection for women.

These are big, broad ideas.

Not every.

. But when we experience failure, rejection, suffering, stress or

adversity, do we regain shape?

It is highly possible to have low resilience and never get better.

So this isn't the Happy Seminar where I tell you everything's gonna work

out for everybody cuz it just doesn't.

It can't we, We know it doesn't.

But there are definitely things we can do.

So let me show you a picture here.

Down the front there is my.

And this is my grandfather.

A man I never met, died 30 years before I was born.

My father in that photograph's about 13 or 14, and my grandfather

within about 18 months, died horribly in front of my father.

My grandfather died at 44, I'm 48.

They were a very wealthy family living in England and on a Sunday.

My grandfather had a massive heart attack in his bathroom, and we only figured out

the details many years later by joining a bunch of dots at my father, who was

the oldest of five boys, ran outside the house, climbed up a drainpipe,

got into the bathroom and dragged him away, but then he died in front of him.

A few weeks later, they sent my father to boarding school where he

was basically completely traumatized.

and he never recovered.

And this is the point of this story.

He never recovered.

He spent the rest of his life with huge issues with depression, eating problems.

He never recovered.

He's been dead a long time.

So I don't say that's a bring the vibe down.

I say it because this is what happens.

This is what can happen, but it doesn't have to happen.

So probably a very large part of the rest of my life, most of my professional.

Has been trying to fix this problem.

It's weird, right?

Some people go, I wonder why he does this stuff, be because of that.

Because I saw what it was like for somebody to go through

adversity, suffering, setback, and trauma and never recover.

It doesn't have to be that way.

It really doesn't.

So what we're gonna do is spend time on how we make sure it doesn't happen to you.

Because I don't know you, I'm not gonna get to know you very well, so we could

probably bring a whole bunch of brilliant psychologists in this room, interview

all of you for a couple of days at a time, and we would be able to probably

graph you in this room of who's had the worst and who's had the best life so far.

But I'm not gonna know that.

Second pillar.

Second pillar.

Why does it seem worse?

This concept of resilience, why are we talking about it so much more now?

Why didn't I go to a seminar like this in year 12?

Here's what I think may be happening.

We are all of us.

What unites us in the room is homo sapien sapiens.

Okay?

It's what we are.

We have been in this iteration, Think of it this way, Think

of the first ever iPhone.

It was about this big.

It had a wind up handle on the side.

We're now at iPhone 14, right?

Just new versions.

iPhone coming out.

We are basically iPhone 14.

As a species, we have been a species like this.

Like what?

The base of your brain is a limbic system.

It's the fight or flight animal brain right here.

Behind the bone at the front of your head is your prefrontal cortex where

you think about complex issues.

We have been like this for about 350,000 years, give or take.

We have not changed a great deal in that time.

How is this relevant to.

Because for I think about 99.9% of those 350,000 years, everybody here

lived almost exactly the same way.

You lived in very small social groupings.

Very rarely more than 200 people, usually somewhere between 10 to 50.

Okay?

You never lived with big groups of people.

You never traveled more than about 10 kilometers from where you were born, ever.

What you did for work if you were male, was whatever your father did for work.

Whatever you did as a woman was just decided by the group

or tribe that you lived with.

All right?

What this means is life had a great deal of predictability.

Life had a great deal of simplicity.

Something that I'm calling if you're taking notes and I won't spend too

much time on it, is what I call neural.

Neural is to do with neurology, was to do the function of your brain,

relatively small neural load.

You woke up each morning and it looked pretty much like it did the

day before, and you knew that tomorrow was pretty much gonna look like today.

The same sorts of people, the same sorts of tasks, the same sorts of

expectations day in and day out.

So here we are here and that's gone.

I reckon it's, I, what I say to people is roundabout here, 18.

1860s, we get the industrial revolution.

Do not be afraid of, You're sitting there going, Is this a history lesson?

No, it's almost finished.

We moved into much bigger groupings.

There was vastly greater complexity.

I think that's some of what's happening.

You have been born at a moment where there is enormous complexity and

unpredictability in your environment, so your brain is kind of going, I, I'm

not, We haven't caught up as a species.

We have not caught.

To the sheer amount of stuff coming at us.

I think that's driving a significant part of it.

The social groups we once lived in have fractured, so a lot of those

things that held us all together for a long period of time have vanished.

All right, that's part two.

Done.

We're gonna, We're on the home stretch now.

You're okay.

Do me a favor, turn the person next to you.

Look at them.

Say, I think it's all gonna be okay.

Do that for me please.

Okay.

So what do we got?

We got a definit.

Which is what?

Your ability to bounce back from rejection, adversity, setback problems.

Why is it more of an issue?

Because of massive social changes?

You need to see this.

So when you're under pressure and you're struggling, you can go.

It's not because you're a bad person.

It's not because you're stupid or you're not as good as someone else.

It's because you got born at this moment and we gotta learn how

to manage it cuz we are here.

God doesn't make mistakes.

He's put us here for a reason.

What do we do?

So what do we do?

What can we do?

I'm gonna give you two concepts.

And then I'm gonna give you practical stuff to do.

These two concepts are really powerful.

I, I think if you get 'em, they can be really transformative.

First one.

This is a guy called Victor e Frankel.

Anyone heard of Victor Frankel?

Anybody in the room?

We've got a couple.

Good.

Uh, been dead a very long time.

Fascinating.

Start of what we call the third V and e School of Psychotherapy.

You've heard of people like Sigmund Freud.

He started the first v and e school of psychotherapy.

Why?

Cuz they're all from Vienna v nese school psychotherapy.

Second guy was Karl Yung.

This is the third guy.

This is the guy who's a brilliant psychotherapist.

, brilliant man, but the backstory is very, very interesting.

He was living the dream, highly respected, highly influential,

doing amazing work on psychotherapy.

Second World War breaks out.

He has a Jewish background.

He's arrested by the Nazis with his parents, his sisters, and he's

taken to the Nazi extermination camp of Auschwitz in Poland.

Arguably somewhere between six to 10 million people end up in this system of

concentration camps, of which this is the.

Uh, within 24 hours, you are usually gased to death and then put in

a gas oven and burned till your ashes fall down like snowflakes.

So Frankel is sent here along with vast numbers of other, It

wasn't just Jewish people, it was, it was a mix, but predominantly.

So why would I show you this?

How is it relevant to you and getting better at resilience?

So here's the important part of Frankel's.

He arrives at Auschwitz and you're basically in one of the most horrific

places in human history, right?

Everything is stripped from you, usually physically.

Uh, you have no power, you have no capacity.

Everything's taken from you.

You're seeing people die in front of you, are separated from family members.

Uh, and then of course you realize that large numbers of the people you love and

care about are probably already dead.

Both his parents were gas to death and his.

, but this is the point.

He manages to survive four years in the extermination camps.

Comes out the other side.

10 days later he goes and sits in a little farmhouse and for two weeks

solid, he writes a very important book.

Called Man's Search for Meaning.

I really recommend that every one of you reads it in this lifetime.

If you go to your grave without having read it, that would be unfortunate.

Man's search for meaning.

Here's the point.

Frankel teaches us that in Auschwitz, he observed two kinds of people, not three,

not one, two, there were two groups of people who were gonna teach us a lot.

He said the first group of people could find absolutely no meaning

or purpose in their suffering.

They just went, There is no meaning, there is no purpose.

There's nothing I can do.

I am completely powerless.

And he said, those people often died within 24 to 48.

He said, they just gave up.

He said people sometimes would sit down in a corner and die.

Of what?

Death.

They were just so psychologically traumatized.

They would sit there and die at least 50 people a day, ran and

threw themselves on the electric fences, 50 people a day rather than

than spend another minute there.

They're just checking out.

We're done.

Two groups of people, but he said there was a second.

and he said that second group of people were able to do one significant thing,

and that's the thing I'm gonna teach you.

He said they developed the ability to find a meaning and a purpose in

their situation and their suffering.

Now, all of the, right now, looking at you, somebody going, What does that mean?

That is abstract, right?

What is that?

So here's what he did.

He said to himself, I am.

in this place.

The meaning I am going to tell myself is that I am here in this

place because I am going to survive.

And when I survive, I am gonna spend the rest of my life telling the rest of the

world what happened here and what I have learned, and that single meaning and

purpose sustained him for four years.

And also allowed him to go on to do the most phenomenal work.

Stay with me.

Same situation.

You could have Victor and you could have someone else.

They're in exactly the same circumstance.

One is finding an empowering meaning.

One is not, one is living, one is dead.

So here's what he wrote, one of the quotes that he wrote in his book, and

I really want you to concentrate now because very important he says, between

stimulus and response, there is a space.

in that space is our power to choose our response, and in our response

lies our growth and our freedom.

Look here.

Stimulus and response.

What's stimulus?

Anything that happens to you that is a stimulus.

You are accepted or you are rejected.

You ace a test or you fail a test, you get cut off in traffic

or you don't get off, cut off in.

Everybody likes you or not many people like you.

That is the stimulus and there is a space between whatever happens to

you and how you respond, and it's usually about that big, and we're

gonna talk about that in a minute.

So this experience of resilience has a great deal to do with what we are telling

ourselves about what happens to us.

So you look at my father's.

He just never had a, he never found a meaning.

He never found a purpose and he never recovered.

So girls, let me help you stimulus in response.

I, I, These are just general examples, right?

I know you are all different, but this is your peer group

and you experience rejection.

Someone says something does.

post something you can all relate to that.

Most of the girls in the room, men, I dunno exactly what the same thing

would be probably for men at this age.

It's usually around inadequacy, will be criticized and told or

inadequate or failed in some way.

Uh, that's just a guess.

Whatever happens, there's this space and whatever you tell yourself in that

space determines what happens here.

Girls, you get something happen to you.

You're like one answer, one, one.

Well, it's cuz I'm ugly.

It's because no one likes me.

It's because I don't have the clothes she has.

I don't look like her.

I don't say what she says.

I don't just, I just, That's the story you tell yourself.

Is it true?

Hell no.

I don't know.

You can make it true because you can have the same stimulus and you

can have a totally different story.

You can just have this story.

It has two words.

Their loss.

Their loss, which story is right.

It's up to.

It's very powerful.

So this gets into areas which we won't touch on today.

I'm happy to stay for questions afterwards, but

people would like to say, Well, does nothing have an objective?

Meaning?

Well, yes it does, but Victor Frankel teaches us that we can live

through the most terrible things, but find a better meaning if we.

And for what it's worth, if I can help you with this, if you ask yourself

the wrong question, your brain will serve you up some terrible answers.

If something happens to you and you say something like, Why

does this always happen to me?

If you're not very careful, your brain will say something really unhelpful.

Cuz one of the things I'm here to preach about just towards the end

is I think a large amount of our time, our brain is not on our.

and it took me 30 plus years to figure that part out.

So you got a stimulus, you got a response, you got a gap, and you

could say, No, this isn't true.

Take it up with Victor Frankel because he proves at least

that one person figured it was.

Give you one more example, then we can do the practical stuff.

Are, are you with me?

Are you, are you Think about your own experiences, think about what hurts.

. Think about what you tell yourself.

What's the old saying?

The mantra.

There are no more important words that you will ever hear in your life than

the words you say to yourself about yourself when you are by yourself.

You heard that before.

There are no more important words you'll hear in this life than the words you say

to yourself when you are by yourself about yourself of, because you could get it.

And it wouldn't be your fault because with all the tech, and I

mean, look, you know I get on a sec.

Here we go.

Second quote, this is a lady called Amanda Ripley.

She's American author and journalist, came across her quote yesterday, I

did a podcast on resilience and I just found her a quote and it's great.

I'm gonna read it to you once.

There are three sections to it.

I'll break 'em out really quickly and we'll teach 'em

and then we're almost done.

Resilience is a precious skill.

People who have it tend to also have the underlying advantages of what Here we go.

One.

A belief that they can influence life events.

Two.

A tendency to find meaningful purpose in life's turmoil.

Three.

And a conviction that they can learn from both positive and negative experiences.

Um, let me give 'em to you one by one.

Here they are.

Number one.

You wanna be.

, you have to have a belief that you can do something to influence your life.

If you don't, you are in the realm of

that is a rat , and I'm not making it up when I tell you I cannot draw a

better one than that, shall I Of hands?

Who's heard of the term learned helplessness?

Learned helplessness.

1, 2, 3.

Okay.

Um, learned helplessness.

Grab a seat.

Learned helplessness comes from studies they did on rats years ago.

They put all these rats in cages, two different groups.

One group got electric shocks randomly.

There's nothing they could could do.

They just get a shock here.

Shocked there.

Shocked.

15 seconds, shocked.

12 seconds, shocked.

30 seconds, just randomly shocked.

The other group of rats were able to press a lever that

could stop the shocks happening.

Here's the point, the ones that couldn't do anything.

They did all these brain scans and tests on all sorts of hormone

levels in the rats, and the ones that couldn't do anything to change

their circumstance just died.

It's called learned helplessness.

It's when a dog curls up in a ball to protect itself cuz it's being

attacked and it can't do anything else.

So you do not want be in learn helpless.

You always want to be in a place that goes, no matter what

happens, I can influence this.

Even if you cannot change the circumstance, you can change the story

you are telling yourself about the circumstance, and some of you all say,

but you're just changing the story.

That's not real.

Judge it by its outcomes.

Friends, judge it by whatever you wanna know how to, how to judge it.

Judge it by whatever helps you to grow, Judge a boy of helps you to become

more whole and to contribute more and to enjoy the journey of life more.

Judge it by that second.

a tendency to find meaningful purpose in life's turmoil.

Some of you have been through difficult things.

Find a meaning.

If you've been through a difficult life, here's one meaning you

deserved it, you're gonna repeat it.

There's nothing you can do to change it.

Different meaning this means I am stronger than people who

have not lived through this.

This means that I will never repeat these things in my own.

Same situation, different meaning a conviction that you can learn from

both positive and negative experiences.

Example, you get a brilliant mark on a test.

Arabella, that's a positive experience.

Learn from it.

Get it again.

Do better.

Get 5% more.

Arabella, you fail a test.

and it's terrible and you just got a D for the semester.

You can either go, you failed because you're dumb and you don't do enough work.

Or you can go, I failed and I'm gonna improve.

I'm gonna work harder.

I'm gonna learn the lesson from that.

So the ability to go through the highs and the lows and take something from both.

So how do we actually become more resilient?

What have I just done?

I've given you two theoretical frameworks, right?

Man, Search for Leaning and Amanda Ripley.

I've given you two conceptual things about the stories that you tell yourself.

What do we do practic?

All right, here we go.

How do you become more resilient?

Uh, question please.

Caleb, you look trustworthy.

You ready?

Yeah.

How do you become a better runner?

By running good, man.

How do you become a better runner?

Brilliant.

You run more two and a half thousand years ago in the ancient world, the

Greeks, which is kind of my post-graduate background, the Greeks were interested

in a really important question.

Please let me make this relevant for you.

It's very important.

It is not ab.

. The Greeks wanted to know, were awesome people born that way,

or did they become that way?

Now you might think, Well, why is that a big question?

It was a very big question for them.

They were very interested in it.

They wanted to know, were people just genetically born that way?

Were you just born resilient, more resilient than me?

Do you become more resilient than me?

Who knows?

The Greeks wanted to know.

So Aristotle, one of the greatest of the Greek philosophers, was

asked this really important question, which was just this Aris.

. How does the courageous person become courageous?

Because they were, They loved courage, they loved virtue.

They wanted to know are our great courageous histories of Greek tragedy

and history, Are they just courageous cuz they were born under a courageous star?

Or did they do something?

And Aristotle fam hear the question again?

Aristotle, How to courageous people become courageous?

And he said something really important that you need to hear.

Two and a half thousand years later, he.

They do courageous things.

Simple life principle.

Ready?

Here it is.

If you're taking notes, I'm gonna save you a whole bunch of time in your life.

You should say thank you on the way out.

Here it comes.

Ready . You will become what you do.

Madeline.

Madeline was made.

I was talking about.

Yeah, it is you.

Okay.

I want you to imagine you have a friend and she lies all the time.

She just lies all the time, nonstop.

Every time you discuss anything, you do, anything.

You experience anything.

She lies.

What would you describe her as?

A liar.

A liar.

So Madeline be, you'd introduce her.

Let's call her.

Um, gimme a name of girl's.

Obsess with L.

Somebody please.

Lily Lilly.

Madeline would go.

This is my friend Lilly.

Lilly.

Lie because Lilly lies friends.

If you want to become more resilient, do resilient things.

If you want to become holier, do holy things.

If you want to become more trustworthy, do trustworthy things.

If you wanna become a faster runner, do more running, and you

are sitting there going, That's it.

That's all you got.

Yes.

Because no one's getting it these days.

It's like, do those things, do resilient things?

Let's talk about the resilient things.

In seven minutes, in six minutes and 50 seconds, I'm gonna give you a list

of things that I think will help you.

Things that I do, things that I do to become more resilient.

Number one, do hard things.

I am not your judge, but you got born in a moment in history

that loves a couple of things.

Comfort and con.

Comfort and consumption.

Uber Eats from Uber Eats to Netflix, friends, the entire system.

We talked before about, you know, the, the mainstream media running on fear.

We are in what's called late stage capitalism.

This system runs on consumption.

Well, it runs on debt, but the debt drives consumption.

Now, the you please see it, it's like me.

You ever seen who's seen the old Wizard of Oz, the original

movie with the Scary Witch?

How scary is she?

You've seen her.

The green one messed with me.

Still messes with me.

Seriously.

I can't be on my own sometimes.

Um, the end scene where they pull the curtain back and the wizard's there

and you see 'em pulling all the.

That is what we are in is called late stage capitalism,

which is simply, um, consume.

We need you to consume, consume, consume, consume, and your comfort is the priority.

There's a reason the iPhone's called the iPhone.

It's about comfort and consumption.

It's not your fault.

You didn't choose it.

You just got born at this time.

Friends, this is not a culture that constantly says to you, deny yourself,

do difficult things, do hard, possibly painful, challenging, difficult things.

You don't hear that very.

So do hard things.

What does that look like for you?

I don't know.

It's gonna be diff few cashier from anyone else.

It'll be different for you.

You've got you's not even typed.

I can't even read that.

No Miam.

Is it gonna be different for Miriam?

Miriam's?

Hard things will be different than cashiers.

Be different to Olivia's.

Different to Tommy's.

You've gotta start doing hard things because hard things

will teach you to endure.

Remember back at the start when things are difficult.

This is one of my favorite humans on the planet.

This.

The guy they call the hardest man alive.

This is the one and only David Goggins.

Long story short, brutal background.

His father was into unspeakable things.

He got guns pulled on him as a kid, just the worst you could possibly imagine.

Hated himself.

Ended up, um, 150 kilos.

That's what he weighed, massively overweight.

And his job was a cockroach.

He got a job spraying cockroaches, restaurants after hours.

His book, his Life story.

He just happened to one day watch this video about the Navy and just went,

He went on to join the US Navy Seals and just had this phenomenal career.

And if you can find him on YouTube, he's just phenomenal.

He's just, he's just into hard things, just do tons and tons of hard things.

So, you know, here's the US Navy Seals training.

This water is absolutely freezing.

They do a six weeks course called Buds, and all they're trying to do is just

weed out the ones here because they know when you watch the documentaries,

all of these guys are super fit.

All of these guys are super athletic.

All of these guys are really great athletes their whole lives, but they

drop and you watch the documentaries.

They have to ring this bell when they quit and they're ringing it and they're

ringing it, and they're ringing it.

Why?

It's not fitness.

It's.

, the story between the stimulus and the response is here and they give up.

So you gotta start doing hard things.

Do you have to join the Navy Seals?

No.

Maybe it means you do the dishes more often.

Maybe it means you do a little bit extra study.

Maybe it means you help somebody when you don't down.

Well feel like it.

Maybe it means that you say no to something you've been

saying yes to for way too long.

Maybe it means you get fitter.

Maybe it means you eat better.

Maybe it means you work harder.

Take one thing away from this.

Do hard things.

So I run ultra marathons.

I do about 400 k a week on the bike.

Um, I'm in the gym every day.

Let's be honest.

You can't look this good without working at it.

Thank you for that weird pause of silence,

Um, next one, I could, I've got a couple minutes.

I've gotta finish, catch the internal dialogue over here.

There is a voice in your head.

We all have it.

Most of the time it's not helpful.

Mine has been particularly toxic over my much of my life, and I've

had to work incredibly hard at it.

You wanna be more resilient.

You have to listen constantly to the eternal dialogue because

it's mostly not on your side.

Some of you'll have come from great families and you'll be a

little bit better than some of the rest of us, but start to listen.

You will hear it saying things like, It's because you're this, It's because of that.

Or you will never, Whenever you hear, you will never, You cannot.

You did it again.

Whenever you hear accusation, wherever you hear this critical voice in this

space, start noticing it and criti.

For the girls, when the voice says, You are not like this.

You don't look like that, you don't.

You should be more like this.

If only you were like that, just go, Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Not helping.

Push back.

Get really good at it.

Just go.

Yeah.

Nah.

All of us have gotta get good at finding this internal dialogue.

Stopping at no.

Uh, for what it's worth, I won't spend too long on this cuz you're not gonna like it.

I think this is true.

Um, I'm not gonna tell you to stop cuz you wouldn't anyway.

Look, basically the best I can tell from social media, I had big

followings about five years ago.

Deleted every account, everything.

Thousands and thousands and thousands of followers deleted the lot.

The only thing now I have is YouTube.

Um, I, you're not gonna stop, but I'll just say to you, especially for the girls,

it's like, let's invent something that is just what I call a comparison engine.

It's just a comparison engine.

It's like, I'm gonna use this thing so I can constantly remind.

, why I might feel inadequate.

That's just my opinion, but I'm a dad now, so , I, I, I'm just really disciplined.

I, I've taken almost everything off my phone.

No even email apps anymore.

I just think that if you want to get more resilient, the studies are pretty

clear, particularly for girls that you've gotta just ease up on this one.

Okay?

I know you can't stop, but just ease up because it can make a

big difference in resilience.

Personal favorite, Get around good people.

You wanna be more resilient.

Get around resilient.

How do, what do courageous people do tend to spend a lot of

time around courageous people.

What our athletes do, spend a lot of time around athletes.

What a resilient, mentally healthy people do.

Try to spend a lot of time around people that, that are doing

interesting things that are, that are pleasant and kind and generous.

Please do not accept toxic friends.

Just don't life short.

7 billion people on the planet.

There's plenty more out there.

Okay?

If you got people ruining your life, just yeah, just don't be rude.

Don't be aggressive.

I talk about time allocation, just allocate less time, just

begin to allocate less time.

There's some amazing people on the planet get around them.

Seven seconds.

Um, summary resilience means to bounce back from the adversities of

life, and I don't think it's just about getting back to this shape.

I think real resilience has gone beyond the shape.

Real resilience is taking the hits and coming back even stronger, coming back.

. There's a reason that Jesus, when he comes back from, uh, the resurrection,

the wounds are still there.

That's a really important detail.

It's a resurrected body.

He's Jesus.

Why come back with the wounds?

Because the wounds were glorified.

The wounds were elevated into something else.

The wounds still mattered.

So as you go through the wounds, you'll, you can come back stronger.

Last thing is to.

To remind yourself of this, whether you wanna photograph it, you can always

choose no matter what you lose, no matter how much you get hurt, no matter how

much loss, betrayal, failure, rejection, you experience, you can always choose.

And I promise your friends a very small number of people.

, as much as it's a consumption society, it's a victim society.

Blame, blame, blame, blame, blame, blame, blame.

And when I teach people, I work with executives and we're talking about blame.

And it's blame and blame.

If you ever tell me a story of blame, if we ever have a conversation and

you tell me about why you feel the way you do because somebody did

something to you, I'll do two things.

I will listen to you compassionately.

I will listen to every detail of what happened to you and why you feel the way

you do about what somebody did to you.

And then I'm gonna say three words.

And now what?

Because if you're living your life, blaming somebody for the, I'm not

saying you don't deal with difficult issues of abuse, all that sort of stuff.

Of course you've gotta address that.

I, I get that.

But at some point in life, there comes a time where we have to go.

And now what?

You can't hold onto that story forever.

Eventually we have to move through.

Uh, last one, I'm never outta the fight comes from that Navy Seals.

. The Navy Seals have this beautiful saying, I really like it when Karen and

Olivia went to Sydney over the weekend.

We're almost done for time.

Aiden and I were at home on our own.

We did two things.

We ate steak for three meals a day and we watched war movies and I was watching

Lone Survivor with him the other day.

Four um, four US Navy seals get ambushed.

There's two left towards the end and one of them famously.

We're never out of the fight.

And it's a real mantra for these special forces guys.

They're like, no matter what happens, no matter how much attack, no

matter how much, how desperate it looks, we're never out of the fight.

So I want each one of you today to take away this, photograph it, write it down.

No matter what happens to you, you can always choose.

Cuz Frankel chose, you can always choose and you, you'll never out of the fight.

Hey there, Jonathan, with you again.

I really do hope you got a lot out of that presentation.

The gap between stimulus and response, that's the magic, you know, and this,

this whole idea about how we talk to ourselves, how we explain to ourselves

what's actually happening in the circumstances that we face in life.

By the way, please make sure you have subscribed.

If you're watching this on YouTube or Rumble or somewhere, hit subscribe

because I'm putting out content like this on a regular basis and I'd love

to keep sharing it with you or of the, of you're hearing the podcast

version, hit that link as well.

Now, if you'd like me to come and do this presentation or similar content

live, there's a link under here.

To book me to speak live.

I want you to go check that link out.

We can just, uh, have a conversation about how we can start to bring some

of these principles to your school, to your students, to your business.

I'd love to come and do this live.

Nothing makes me happy.

Have them being honest stage in a room of people who want to change

and want to grow, cuz that's, Pretty much what I'm still trying to do

in life, and I know you are too.

All right, that's it.

Go check out those links.

You and I are gonna be in touch again really soon, but I really do appreciate

the fact that you stayed to the end.

Um, I just love doing this stuff and I hope it's a blessing to you.

Hopefully I get to see you live.

My name's Jonathan Doyle.

You and I we're gonna talk again real soon.