Does your life ever feel like a crazy blur of intensity and manic activity? Do you ever feel overloaded, overworked or overwhelmed?
In today’s episode I am going to lay out a series of important ideas and practical steps you can take to begin to turn things around.
Grab a free copy of my book Bridging the Gap here:
https://go.jonathandoyle.co/btg-pdf
Enquire about booking Jonathan to speak:
https://go.jonathandoyle.co/jd-speak-opt-in
Find out about coaching with Jonathan here:
https://go.jonathandoyle.co/coaching
Jonathan is on Youtube here:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpCYnW4yVdd93N1OTbsxgyw
Karen’s MasterClass for Women is here:
https://bit.ly/geniusmasterclasskaren
Transcript
Well, Hey everybody, Jonathan Doyle with you.
Speaker:Once again, welcome back to the daily podcast as always so good to
Speaker:have the pleasure of your company.
Speaker:Really enjoy doing these really love the feedback from so many of you.
Speaker:So I hope we can as always bring something useful for you today.
Speaker:Just one.
Speaker:A little bit of encouragement, a good idea that can move your forward wherever
Speaker:your day is starting around the world.
Speaker:Uh, I am huge on the power of that morning routine.
Speaker:The way I get my day underway.
Speaker:Little weary.
Speaker:Now I've got up at four.
Speaker:And, uh, did my morning routine.
Speaker:And then, uh, it did about 70 K on the bike this morning.
Speaker:And, uh, It feeling it now, but just good to be out there as many of, you
Speaker:know, I've got a 255 kilometer race coming up in about six weeks now.
Speaker:So juggling that with, uh, with everything else that's going on.
Speaker:So I'll keep you posted on how that goes.
Speaker:I'm feeling
Speaker:At the moment, a few hours to go, people say, how I sort of go to bed
Speaker:about seven o'clock most nights.
Speaker:But, uh, these sort of routines matter these daily routines that move us
Speaker:forward on this journey of growth and development today, friends.
Speaker:Just before we jump in, do me a favor, make sure you've subscribed.
Speaker:Hit that subscribe button, throw this on your social media feeds.
Speaker:It does make a big difference when you share this with friends and family today.
Speaker:Uh, what else before I forget?
Speaker:Uh, go check out the links as always, there are links to
Speaker:get a free copy of my book.
Speaker:There are links to book me to speak.
Speaker:There are links for coaching with me, and please go and check out Karen's
Speaker:master class program for women.
Speaker:She runs this phenomenal coaching.
Speaker:Uh, service and masterclass program.
Speaker:For women's.
Speaker:So, uh, go and check that out.
Speaker:It's in the show notes there now.
Speaker:Let's do this.
Speaker:We're gonna talk about work life.
Speaker:Balance, almost all of us would resonate with this topic.
Speaker:There's not a lot of people listing.
Speaker:We're like, well, Jonathan, I get up every day.
Speaker:It's all good.
Speaker:A little bit of work.
Speaker:Everything's just fine.
Speaker:Many of us based on the questions you guys have submitted over the last few weeks.
Speaker:Uh, very much like that duck on the pond.
Speaker:We are calm on the surface, but underneath our little feet.
Speaker:Uh, paddling, outrageously fast, trying to keep the momentum, trying to keep
Speaker:all the balls in the air, so to speak.
Speaker:And it'll also depend upon our stage of life, depending on the stage of life
Speaker:you're in, you know, um, Karen and I are in that phase, we still got three
Speaker:young kids and all the stuff that we have on our plate it's some days it's
Speaker:It's really challenging, really demanding.
Speaker:And I know many of you can, um, resonate.
Speaker:You can, uh, relate to that sort of challenge, but we're all
Speaker:going to be in a different place.
Speaker:But I think what we're all driving towards is.
Speaker:A sense of balance in life.
Speaker:Does it exist?
Speaker:I've heard some people say no, I know a one.
Speaker:Executive who, uh, I respect has sort of said, look, just
Speaker:accept that you can't have it.
Speaker:You can have one or the other, but you can't have both.
Speaker:I don't know if that's true.
Speaker:I think we can approximate things.
Speaker:I think we can.
Speaker:Uh, really try and structure our lives in ways that, uh, help
Speaker:us out a couple of key points.
Speaker:This is, um, we are born at a moment in history.
Speaker:I've been saying this in most of the recent episodes where we are faced with
Speaker:enormous Uh, busy-ness the promises of technology and how it was going to
Speaker:liberate us from all sorts of stuff.
Speaker:Hasn't quite come to pass.
Speaker:So I want to keep reminding us all that.
Speaker:If you ever feel overwhelmed, if you ever feel like it's stressful.
Speaker:Cut yourself a little bit of slack because you are living.
Speaker:At a moment in history where there is a lot of complexity, there
Speaker:is a great deal of busy-ness.
Speaker:There's a lot of uncertainty in the environments that surround us, you know,
Speaker:for, for much of history, you kind of grew up in a, in a smaller community.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:And you pretty much stayed in the same place, your entire life.
Speaker:And yes, there was problems and yes, there were.
Speaker:Wars and different issues that would have happened from time to time.
Speaker:But the experience of most people was an experience of predictability and
Speaker:stability that the, you know, yesterday.
Speaker:You know, and, uh, it looked a lot like today and tomorrow is Like today, right.
Speaker:Things just rolled on.
Speaker:So be kind to yourself because this is challenging.
Speaker:This is a don't beat yourself up.
Speaker:If you're finding yourself.
Speaker:You know, wondering how you're going to manage it all, but, uh,
Speaker:I've got a few things for you.
Speaker:First thing always remember whenever we have a difficult circumstance in our
Speaker:lives, there are always three options.
Speaker:They are leave.
Speaker:They are except they are changed.
Speaker:You can either leave the situation.
Speaker:And that's definitely applicable to what we're going to discuss today.
Speaker:There are times when you might need to leave.
Speaker:Uh, you can accept it.
Speaker:You can say, you know what, this is how it is for now.
Speaker:Sometimes we just have to enjoy difficulty and you've got to
Speaker:have the wisdom to know that.
Speaker:And then of course you can take steps to change.
Speaker:It's always want you to keep those three filters in place.
Speaker:So as you're looking at your life day to day, as you're weighing up
Speaker:options and possibilities, just ask yourself, should I leave?
Speaker:Do I accept or do I need to change and trust yourself, but
Speaker:it journaling, but a quiet time.
Speaker:Go for a walk, give yourself a chance to begin to think about these questions.
Speaker:Let them echo in the deep recesses of your very soul.
Speaker:There is a wisdom inside you.
Speaker:And I think also the God really wants to direct and guide us in our lives as well.
Speaker:So put all that stuff together.
Speaker:We're going to be just fine, but let's keep those three filters in place.
Speaker:Leave except change.
Speaker:Next thing you want to talk about his beliefs?
Speaker:So one of the issues around overwhelm and whether we accept it, leave it or
Speaker:change it will be to do with our beliefs.
Speaker:And what I'm pointing at here is I want you to get really good
Speaker:at catching yourself in the act.
Speaker:Of that internal narrative, the beliefs that you have, and for
Speaker:many people trapped in overwhelm.
Speaker:You might find that there is a belief in place and the belief is something
Speaker:like, well, there's nothing I can do.
Speaker:Or it just is this way, or it has to be this way.
Speaker:So you might have a lot of debt.
Speaker:You might have a huge mortgage and you're trapped in this exhausting work that you
Speaker:don't want to do when you're thinking of changing it and you're not happy.
Speaker:And you're snapping at people and you're tired.
Speaker:Your health might not be great.
Speaker:But underneath that will probably be some kind of belief.
Speaker:You know, that belief could be, like, I just said it could This is how it
Speaker:has to be, or I can't change things.
Speaker:And those beliefs.
Speaker:Are enormously powerful in the radio interview.
Speaker:I just did a few moments ago.
Speaker:We were talking about the relationship between beliefs and habits.
Speaker:And they asked me what the difference was.
Speaker:And I said, well, habits are basically shortcuts.
Speaker:They're ways that we reduce the neural load in our lives.
Speaker:The way that we kind of just make life easier to navigate.
Speaker:But beliefs are what I would say is like a cognitive architecture
Speaker:that we impose upon the
Speaker:Beliefs.
Speaker:So what we believe to be true about reality itself.
Speaker:So think about We'll be trapped in overwhelm and your
Speaker:belief is I have to stay here.
Speaker:It can't be different, or I can't change.
Speaker:You're going to find that your habits and behaviors are going to.
Speaker:Seek to prove your beliefs.
Speaker:Correct.
Speaker:So you look for evidence that your beliefs are correct, which
Speaker:will keep you stuck in that cycle.
Speaker:So.
Speaker:The beliefs are essential.
Speaker:The beliefs are crucial.
Speaker:So take some time.
Speaker:If you're trapped in overwhelm burnout, exhaustion.
Speaker:Take some time to go.
Speaker:What do I believe about this situation and do not self-censor.
Speaker:'cause sometimes you'll try to do this and you'll be like, what should
Speaker:I believe about this circumstance?
Speaker:Because you'll tell yourself all sorts of fairytales.
Speaker:Like I can do anything I can overcome.
Speaker:I can enjoy.
Speaker:Maybe you can't.
Speaker:Maybe this will break you.
Speaker:If you don't
Speaker:So don't write down what you think you should write about your beliefs.
Speaker:Write down what you honestly genuinely believe.
Speaker:No one has to see it.
Speaker:So those beliefs are going to be really, really central.
Speaker:And, uh, they can be very diverse, you know, they can be like I've said,
Speaker:I've articulated some of the big ones.
Speaker:But they can also be like, I must always provide or everything depends
Speaker:on me or I can't let people down.
Speaker:So there's all these possibilities of what we believe to be true.
Speaker:And in terms of beliefs, you want to ask yourself what is helpful?
Speaker:You know, It's my belief helping me to flourish in life.
Speaker:Is it helping me to love more?
Speaker:Is it helped me to grow now again?
Speaker:Are there a times when we need to enjoy, so I'm not saying it's all
Speaker:about individualism and you know, I want to follow my unicorn and it's
Speaker:all going to be how I want it to be.
Speaker:But we do want to basically get clear on those, what those beliefs really are.
Speaker:And sometimes we may need to endure difficulty.
Speaker:Um, the other thing about beliefs that aren't serving us around
Speaker:the overwhelm piece will be that they'll usually be fear based.
Speaker:So, if you have a belief that says you're a good person, like, you know, there's
Speaker:not a lot of downside to that, right?
Speaker:There's like, you kind of just go through your life, accepting that you're a
Speaker:good person and people will like you, and that things are going to be okay.
Speaker:And that belief is not a problem.
Speaker:You know, when I get up on stage.
Speaker:I used to struggle with nerves, but it all changed when I really began to just
Speaker:want to serve people and just contribute.
Speaker:So I have a belief that I know that if I get up on stage, I can help people.
Speaker:I might be able to have one person I could help 10,000.
Speaker:It depends on the day and the content and who's there.
Speaker:But my belief is a positive one.
Speaker:It makes me feel good about what I do, and it makes me want to serve people.
Speaker:So if you're straight, if you're struggling with overwhelm,
Speaker:exhaustion and burnout, you want to say, look at those beliefs.
Speaker:And the ones that you want to work with are the ones that are fear-based.
Speaker:And the fear-based will be well, if I change, there'll be loss.
Speaker:Some kind of loss will happen.
Speaker:I'll lose my home or my reputation or my significance, or I'll lose
Speaker:the respect of people that love me.
Speaker:So.
Speaker:The ones that you want to work on and the ones that are where the leverage
Speaker:is, will be the fear based beliefs.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:Cause that's the stuff on beliefs.
Speaker:Now I also want to talk to you about creativity.
Speaker:I spoke recently.
Speaker:At a big event, I was talking to the.
Speaker:You know, lots of people in the audience afterwards and.
Speaker:So many people were stuck in the busy-ness and the craziness of their lives, and
Speaker:they were trying to solve problems.
Speaker:Like how do I get an effect size?
Speaker:How do we get time together as a couple?
Speaker:How do we do this?
Speaker:How do we.
Speaker:Find, you know, how do we find time for things we used to enjoy?
Speaker:And what I really tried to help them with was.
Speaker:Humans are remarkably creative.
Speaker:And sometimes we think very uni dimensionally.
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:So when it comes to overwhelm, it's either like, It's this, or it's this?
Speaker:Ah, the do this job or I don't do this job or I have to stay
Speaker:here or I don't stay here.
Speaker:It's very binary.
Speaker:So I want to suggest to you that as you navigate these questions of overwhelm, you
Speaker:want to be thinking Creative solutions.
Speaker:And again, we're back to the self-censorship piece.
Speaker:You want to get the self censorship out of the way you want to go.
Speaker:Well, if I could solve this problem, if there were no limits,
Speaker:how could I solve this problem?
Speaker:What are some crazy things that might actually solve it?
Speaker:And you will be surprised.
Speaker:That, when it comes to all this stuff around workload
Speaker:and busy-ness and overwhelm.
Speaker:That creative solutions are quite there.
Speaker:I'll give you another example.
Speaker:Um, I mentioned this in a recent episode.
Speaker:Karen, my wife loves to swim.
Speaker:She loves to And when she swims, she feels fantastic.
Speaker:She's happy.
Speaker:She just absolutely loves it.
Speaker:The bio that I love cycling or.
Speaker:Training awaits.
Speaker:She loves swimming.
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:So thing.
Speaker:And then we all have, you've got your So she has a belief about, and the
Speaker:belief is, you know, this is something I love, but she's also got another
Speaker:belief, which is, I need to keep, you know, working hard on important
Speaker:projects or she'll have a belief that I need to spend more time with the kids.
Speaker:Or I have a belief that it's selfish to take an hour or two hours to go and swim.
Speaker:So you can you see the belief clash now?
Speaker:Karen's a very integrated person, but I'm sure all of us have got
Speaker:these kinds of things going on.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:Where there's something we want and we believe one thing about But then
Speaker:we also believe another thing about it and that's where the tension
Speaker:and the stress starts to rise.
Speaker:So, what I want to get to is the creative stuff is I would say to
Speaker:Karen, Like you've got to swim.
Speaker:She goes, oh, I can't.
Speaker:No.
Speaker:I can't no.
Speaker:It was just, I can't today.
Speaker:And that was the belief, right?
Speaker:And the belief then would drive more stress and I'd say, well, why
Speaker:can't you, oh, just this, this, this, and then I would help her.
Speaker:And we would together come up with a creative solution.
Speaker:I like I'll cover the kids here, here, here, and I'll do this.
Speaker:And then you go do that.
Speaker:And the other day, It was really interesting because she felt bad that
Speaker:she didn't want to go swimming for too long and not be with the kids.
Speaker:And I said, why don't you take one of them So she started, she started
Speaker:taking my youngest with her and the youngest steps, doors it, and loves it.
Speaker:And having time together and swimming when, when right.
Speaker:So he was a solution that was always there, but she hadn't for whatever
Speaker:reason, found the creative solution.
Speaker:So sometimes you need an outside person.
Speaker:Hence the coaching thing, you can go and check out the coaching
Speaker:links here in the podcast notes.
Speaker:But, um, don't rule out creative solutions to overwhelm.
Speaker:They might surprise you.
Speaker:And there's, so I've just seen this pattern.
Speaker:So often people run patterns.
Speaker:It's like, I want this, but.
Speaker:And the, and the big buck gets in the way, you know, we've all got a big,
Speaker:but really, So we've all got big butts.
Speaker:We're like, but this but that, but I can't, but I got to belief.
Speaker:It's just a belief.
Speaker:That's what it is.
Speaker:And you've got to critique it and test it and see if there's
Speaker:a credit solution or different
Speaker:So come back to the swimming thing.
Speaker:Karen's belief was I can't, you know, go away from my kids too often
Speaker:and do something that I need to do.
Speaker:And I'm like, well, here's another belief.
Speaker:How about I can model physical activity and health to my
Speaker:chart and take them with me.
Speaker:It's a different belief.
Speaker:And it brings it out a different result through a creative problem solving nexus.
Speaker:So I hope that's relevant.
Speaker:Just.
Speaker:Just get creative.
Speaker:Honestly, you would be amazed what you can come up with.
Speaker:If you don't self sensor.
Speaker:Well, the other thing about overwhelm is.
Speaker:The tough conversations piece.
Speaker:Many of us are so busy and running at a million miles an hour that
Speaker:we don't have often enough.
Speaker:The kinds of conversations are going to be extremely helpful
Speaker:So those conversations are often with a spouse or with, you know, those in the
Speaker:closest relationships to us, they might be with, you know, mentors or therapists
Speaker:or counselors, tough conversations.
Speaker:You know, where you really put it all out there you say, I am drowning.
Speaker:I am overwhelmed.
Speaker:There's too much of this.
Speaker:I can't cope anymore.
Speaker:And you have tough conversations.
Speaker:We don't do that often because we tell ourselves that we're way
Speaker:too busy, juggling all the balls.
Speaker:So we don't have them.
Speaker:You know, Uh, the person that sent me this question talked about, you know, workload.
Speaker:The tough conversations piece can often come into our careers.
Speaker:Like you can.
Speaker:You know, sometimes you might have to go to your boss and say, look.
Speaker:This isn't working anymore.
Speaker:I can't do it.
Speaker:I just can't.
Speaker:Now that'll be a huge problem for so many of you.
Speaker:Why?
Speaker:Because you will have a belief.
Speaker:And the belief will be something like don't show weakness don't
Speaker:seem that you can't cope.
Speaker:Don't ever be a problem for anybody.
Speaker:All of us are going to be carrying some variation But it's the courage
Speaker:that you need, the courage that we can find to have these tough conversations.
Speaker:And the belief we keep telling ourselves, we can't have them.
Speaker:You know, it's just, it's not worth it.
Speaker:It's not worth the stress.
Speaker:It's not worth the strain where you're already stressed.
Speaker:You're already strained.
Speaker:You're already overwhelmed.
Speaker:What's the downside here.
Speaker:I could lose my job.
Speaker:Well, every indicator I see says we've got a super low unemployment.
Speaker:You can find something.
Speaker:So.
Speaker:Summary, what are we talking Who met overwhelming talking about exhaustion
Speaker:and busy-ness, we've talked about three options, leave, accept, or change.
Speaker:We've talked about the power of your beliefs, and I want
Speaker:all of you to start looking at them, catch yourself in the act.
Speaker:What am I believing?
Speaker:It happens so quickly.
Speaker:It is so subtle.
Speaker:Most of the time we don't even know we're doing it.
Speaker:So check that out.
Speaker:Um, look for creative solutions and also consider tough conversations.
Speaker:You have one life.
Speaker:This is it.
Speaker:You're not coming back.
Speaker:How much of this life do you want to spend in exhaustion,
Speaker:overwhelm burnout and just fatigue?
Speaker:How much of it, how much of this do you want to trade?
Speaker:How much joy laughter.
Speaker:Friendship connection.
Speaker:And I'm not creating a bifurcated world of rainbows and unicorns
Speaker:and drudgery on the other.
Speaker:I'm saying we've got to.
Speaker:Find ways to get a balance back that gives us enough life, you know, We can
Speaker:believe things for so many years, and I'm just learning as I get older that.
Speaker:We've got to trust more.
Speaker:We've got to relax into the provision of God more.
Speaker:We've just got to do the best we can each day and surrender the rest.
Speaker:And it's very easy to say those words.
Speaker:It's much more of a discipline to live it, but I'm getting there.
Speaker:I'm starting to just go well.
Speaker:I spent all these years stressing about this or that, or that problem
Speaker:or this issue or this part of the business or this revenue model or this.
Speaker:And now I'm like, you know what?
Speaker:I'm just going to get up.
Speaker:I'm going to be the best spouse and father I can possibly be on any given day.
Speaker:I'm going to do better.
Speaker:Some days worse, others.
Speaker:I'm going to try and put out great content that blesses people I'm going to do.
Speaker:The other stuff we do in our business.
Speaker:Speaking travel, the online stuff we And I'm going to just going
Speaker:to let go and trust a little bit.
Speaker:And, um, cause I just know the overwhelm isn't going to help and look,
Speaker:last thing, I didn't really mention
Speaker:There's a huge relationship for me with the, I guess the, um, the
Speaker:exercise Like exercise really does You know, and I do huge amounts, but
Speaker:I'm not telling you to do what I do.
Speaker:I'm just saying You know, if we're, if we're stressed our
Speaker:body, can't tell the difference.
Speaker:If we go for a run or a walk or a ride or whatever.
Speaker:All our body knows is that, you know, our system is responding
Speaker:to external stressors.
Speaker:Like it could be weights, whatever.
Speaker:And that helps us.
Speaker:So don't rule that out either.
Speaker:All right.
Speaker:There's a lot in that.
Speaker:I hope it's a blessing to you.
Speaker:Go and check out the show Um, if you want to do some private
Speaker:coaching with Karen or me,
Speaker:Uh, you can do that.
Speaker:Uh, we do a discovery call.
Speaker:We talk about where you're stuck, rebuild a little plan together, and then
Speaker:we just jump online and it's a really awesome process that just helps you get
Speaker:moving in any particular areas to go check out those links to the coaching.
Speaker:Um, and you can book me to speak it's all there.
Speaker:So God bless everybody.
Speaker:Please make sure you've subscribed.
Speaker:Don't look at your beliefs let's beat this overwhelm piece my name's
Speaker:jonathan doyle and i'm going to have another message for you tomorrow
