Work Life Balance and Getting Out Of Overwhelm

Well, Hey everybody, Jonathan Doyle with you.

Once again, welcome back to the daily podcast as always so good to

have the pleasure of your company.

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So I hope we can as always bring something useful for you today.

Just one.

A little bit of encouragement, a good idea that can move your forward wherever

your day is starting around the world.

Uh, I am huge on the power of that morning routine.

The way I get my day underway.

Little weary.

Now I've got up at four.

And, uh, did my morning routine.

And then, uh, it did about 70 K on the bike this morning.

And, uh, It feeling it now, but just good to be out there as many of, you

know, I've got a 255 kilometer race coming up in about six weeks now.

So juggling that with, uh, with everything else that's going on.

So I'll keep you posted on how that goes.

I'm feeling

At the moment, a few hours to go, people say, how I sort of go to bed

about seven o'clock most nights.

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forward on this journey of growth and development today, friends.

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Let's do this.

We're gonna talk about work life.

Balance, almost all of us would resonate with this topic.

There's not a lot of people listing.

We're like, well, Jonathan, I get up every day.

It's all good.

A little bit of work.

Everything's just fine.

Many of us based on the questions you guys have submitted over the last few weeks.

Uh, very much like that duck on the pond.

We are calm on the surface, but underneath our little feet.

Uh, paddling, outrageously fast, trying to keep the momentum, trying to keep

all the balls in the air, so to speak.

And it'll also depend upon our stage of life, depending on the stage of life

you're in, you know, um, Karen and I are in that phase, we still got three

young kids and all the stuff that we have on our plate it's some days it's

It's really challenging, really demanding.

And I know many of you can, um, resonate.

You can, uh, relate to that sort of challenge, but we're all

going to be in a different place.

But I think what we're all driving towards is.

A sense of balance in life.

Does it exist?

I've heard some people say no, I know a one.

Executive who, uh, I respect has sort of said, look, just

accept that you can't have it.

You can have one or the other, but you can't have both.

I don't know if that's true.

I think we can approximate things.

I think we can.

Uh, really try and structure our lives in ways that, uh, help

us out a couple of key points.

This is, um, we are born at a moment in history.

I've been saying this in most of the recent episodes where we are faced with

enormous Uh, busy-ness the promises of technology and how it was going to

liberate us from all sorts of stuff.

Hasn't quite come to pass.

So I want to keep reminding us all that.

If you ever feel overwhelmed, if you ever feel like it's stressful.

Cut yourself a little bit of slack because you are living.

At a moment in history where there is a lot of complexity, there

is a great deal of busy-ness.

There's a lot of uncertainty in the environments that surround us, you know,

for, for much of history, you kind of grew up in a, in a smaller community.

Right.

And you pretty much stayed in the same place, your entire life.

And yes, there was problems and yes, there were.

Wars and different issues that would have happened from time to time.

But the experience of most people was an experience of predictability and

stability that the, you know, yesterday.

You know, and, uh, it looked a lot like today and tomorrow is Like today, right.

Things just rolled on.

So be kind to yourself because this is challenging.

This is a don't beat yourself up.

If you're finding yourself.

You know, wondering how you're going to manage it all, but, uh,

I've got a few things for you.

First thing always remember whenever we have a difficult circumstance in our

lives, there are always three options.

They are leave.

They are except they are changed.

You can either leave the situation.

And that's definitely applicable to what we're going to discuss today.

There are times when you might need to leave.

Uh, you can accept it.

You can say, you know what, this is how it is for now.

Sometimes we just have to enjoy difficulty and you've got to

have the wisdom to know that.

And then of course you can take steps to change.

It's always want you to keep those three filters in place.

So as you're looking at your life day to day, as you're weighing up

options and possibilities, just ask yourself, should I leave?

Do I accept or do I need to change and trust yourself, but

it journaling, but a quiet time.

Go for a walk, give yourself a chance to begin to think about these questions.

Let them echo in the deep recesses of your very soul.

There is a wisdom inside you.

And I think also the God really wants to direct and guide us in our lives as well.

So put all that stuff together.

We're going to be just fine, but let's keep those three filters in place.

Leave except change.

Next thing you want to talk about his beliefs?

So one of the issues around overwhelm and whether we accept it, leave it or

change it will be to do with our beliefs.

And what I'm pointing at here is I want you to get really good

at catching yourself in the act.

Of that internal narrative, the beliefs that you have, and for

many people trapped in overwhelm.

You might find that there is a belief in place and the belief is something

like, well, there's nothing I can do.

Or it just is this way, or it has to be this way.

So you might have a lot of debt.

You might have a huge mortgage and you're trapped in this exhausting work that you

don't want to do when you're thinking of changing it and you're not happy.

And you're snapping at people and you're tired.

Your health might not be great.

But underneath that will probably be some kind of belief.

You know, that belief could be, like, I just said it could This is how it

has to be, or I can't change things.

And those beliefs.

Are enormously powerful in the radio interview.

I just did a few moments ago.

We were talking about the relationship between beliefs and habits.

And they asked me what the difference was.

And I said, well, habits are basically shortcuts.

They're ways that we reduce the neural load in our lives.

The way that we kind of just make life easier to navigate.

But beliefs are what I would say is like a cognitive architecture

that we impose upon the

Beliefs.

So what we believe to be true about reality itself.

So think about We'll be trapped in overwhelm and your

belief is I have to stay here.

It can't be different, or I can't change.

You're going to find that your habits and behaviors are going to.

Seek to prove your beliefs.

Correct.

So you look for evidence that your beliefs are correct, which

will keep you stuck in that cycle.

So.

The beliefs are essential.

The beliefs are crucial.

So take some time.

If you're trapped in overwhelm burnout, exhaustion.

Take some time to go.

What do I believe about this situation and do not self-censor.

'cause sometimes you'll try to do this and you'll be like, what should

I believe about this circumstance?

Because you'll tell yourself all sorts of fairytales.

Like I can do anything I can overcome.

I can enjoy.

Maybe you can't.

Maybe this will break you.

If you don't

So don't write down what you think you should write about your beliefs.

Write down what you honestly genuinely believe.

No one has to see it.

So those beliefs are going to be really, really central.

And, uh, they can be very diverse, you know, they can be like I've said,

I've articulated some of the big ones.

But they can also be like, I must always provide or everything depends

on me or I can't let people down.

So there's all these possibilities of what we believe to be true.

And in terms of beliefs, you want to ask yourself what is helpful?

You know, It's my belief helping me to flourish in life.

Is it helping me to love more?

Is it helped me to grow now again?

Are there a times when we need to enjoy, so I'm not saying it's all

about individualism and you know, I want to follow my unicorn and it's

all going to be how I want it to be.

But we do want to basically get clear on those, what those beliefs really are.

And sometimes we may need to endure difficulty.

Um, the other thing about beliefs that aren't serving us around

the overwhelm piece will be that they'll usually be fear based.

So, if you have a belief that says you're a good person, like, you know, there's

not a lot of downside to that, right?

There's like, you kind of just go through your life, accepting that you're a

good person and people will like you, and that things are going to be okay.

And that belief is not a problem.

You know, when I get up on stage.

I used to struggle with nerves, but it all changed when I really began to just

want to serve people and just contribute.

So I have a belief that I know that if I get up on stage, I can help people.

I might be able to have one person I could help 10,000.

It depends on the day and the content and who's there.

But my belief is a positive one.

It makes me feel good about what I do, and it makes me want to serve people.

So if you're straight, if you're struggling with overwhelm,

exhaustion and burnout, you want to say, look at those beliefs.

And the ones that you want to work with are the ones that are fear-based.

And the fear-based will be well, if I change, there'll be loss.

Some kind of loss will happen.

I'll lose my home or my reputation or my significance, or I'll lose

the respect of people that love me.

So.

The ones that you want to work on and the ones that are where the leverage

is, will be the fear based beliefs.

Okay.

Cause that's the stuff on beliefs.

Now I also want to talk to you about creativity.

I spoke recently.

At a big event, I was talking to the.

You know, lots of people in the audience afterwards and.

So many people were stuck in the busy-ness and the craziness of their lives, and

they were trying to solve problems.

Like how do I get an effect size?

How do we get time together as a couple?

How do we do this?

How do we.

Find, you know, how do we find time for things we used to enjoy?

And what I really tried to help them with was.

Humans are remarkably creative.

And sometimes we think very uni dimensionally.

Right?

So when it comes to overwhelm, it's either like, It's this, or it's this?

Ah, the do this job or I don't do this job or I have to stay

here or I don't stay here.

It's very binary.

So I want to suggest to you that as you navigate these questions of overwhelm, you

want to be thinking Creative solutions.

And again, we're back to the self-censorship piece.

You want to get the self censorship out of the way you want to go.

Well, if I could solve this problem, if there were no limits,

how could I solve this problem?

What are some crazy things that might actually solve it?

And you will be surprised.

That, when it comes to all this stuff around workload

and busy-ness and overwhelm.

That creative solutions are quite there.

I'll give you another example.

Um, I mentioned this in a recent episode.

Karen, my wife loves to swim.

She loves to And when she swims, she feels fantastic.

She's happy.

She just absolutely loves it.

The bio that I love cycling or.

Training awaits.

She loves swimming.

Right?

So thing.

And then we all have, you've got your So she has a belief about, and the

belief is, you know, this is something I love, but she's also got another

belief, which is, I need to keep, you know, working hard on important

projects or she'll have a belief that I need to spend more time with the kids.

Or I have a belief that it's selfish to take an hour or two hours to go and swim.

So you can you see the belief clash now?

Karen's a very integrated person, but I'm sure all of us have got

these kinds of things going on.

Right.

Where there's something we want and we believe one thing about But then

we also believe another thing about it and that's where the tension

and the stress starts to rise.

So, what I want to get to is the creative stuff is I would say to

Karen, Like you've got to swim.

She goes, oh, I can't.

No.

I can't no.

It was just, I can't today.

And that was the belief, right?

And the belief then would drive more stress and I'd say, well, why

can't you, oh, just this, this, this, and then I would help her.

And we would together come up with a creative solution.

I like I'll cover the kids here, here, here, and I'll do this.

And then you go do that.

And the other day, It was really interesting because she felt bad that

she didn't want to go swimming for too long and not be with the kids.

And I said, why don't you take one of them So she started, she started

taking my youngest with her and the youngest steps, doors it, and loves it.

And having time together and swimming when, when right.

So he was a solution that was always there, but she hadn't for whatever

reason, found the creative solution.

So sometimes you need an outside person.

Hence the coaching thing, you can go and check out the coaching

links here in the podcast notes.

But, um, don't rule out creative solutions to overwhelm.

They might surprise you.

And there's, so I've just seen this pattern.

So often people run patterns.

It's like, I want this, but.

And the, and the big buck gets in the way, you know, we've all got a big,

but really, So we've all got big butts.

We're like, but this but that, but I can't, but I got to belief.

It's just a belief.

That's what it is.

And you've got to critique it and test it and see if there's

a credit solution or different

So come back to the swimming thing.

Karen's belief was I can't, you know, go away from my kids too often

and do something that I need to do.

And I'm like, well, here's another belief.

How about I can model physical activity and health to my

chart and take them with me.

It's a different belief.

And it brings it out a different result through a creative problem solving nexus.

So I hope that's relevant.

Just.

Just get creative.

Honestly, you would be amazed what you can come up with.

If you don't self sensor.

Well, the other thing about overwhelm is.

The tough conversations piece.

Many of us are so busy and running at a million miles an hour that

we don't have often enough.

The kinds of conversations are going to be extremely helpful

So those conversations are often with a spouse or with, you know, those in the

closest relationships to us, they might be with, you know, mentors or therapists

or counselors, tough conversations.

You know, where you really put it all out there you say, I am drowning.

I am overwhelmed.

There's too much of this.

I can't cope anymore.

And you have tough conversations.

We don't do that often because we tell ourselves that we're way

too busy, juggling all the balls.

So we don't have them.

You know, Uh, the person that sent me this question talked about, you know, workload.

The tough conversations piece can often come into our careers.

Like you can.

You know, sometimes you might have to go to your boss and say, look.

This isn't working anymore.

I can't do it.

I just can't.

Now that'll be a huge problem for so many of you.

Why?

Because you will have a belief.

And the belief will be something like don't show weakness don't

seem that you can't cope.

Don't ever be a problem for anybody.

All of us are going to be carrying some variation But it's the courage

that you need, the courage that we can find to have these tough conversations.

And the belief we keep telling ourselves, we can't have them.

You know, it's just, it's not worth it.

It's not worth the stress.

It's not worth the strain where you're already stressed.

You're already strained.

You're already overwhelmed.

What's the downside here.

I could lose my job.

Well, every indicator I see says we've got a super low unemployment.

You can find something.

So.

Summary, what are we talking Who met overwhelming talking about exhaustion

and busy-ness, we've talked about three options, leave, accept, or change.

We've talked about the power of your beliefs, and I want

all of you to start looking at them, catch yourself in the act.

What am I believing?

It happens so quickly.

It is so subtle.

Most of the time we don't even know we're doing it.

So check that out.

Um, look for creative solutions and also consider tough conversations.

You have one life.

This is it.

You're not coming back.

How much of this life do you want to spend in exhaustion,

overwhelm burnout and just fatigue?

How much of it, how much of this do you want to trade?

How much joy laughter.

Friendship connection.

And I'm not creating a bifurcated world of rainbows and unicorns

and drudgery on the other.

I'm saying we've got to.

Find ways to get a balance back that gives us enough life, you know, We can

believe things for so many years, and I'm just learning as I get older that.

We've got to trust more.

We've got to relax into the provision of God more.

We've just got to do the best we can each day and surrender the rest.

And it's very easy to say those words.

It's much more of a discipline to live it, but I'm getting there.

I'm starting to just go well.

I spent all these years stressing about this or that, or that problem

or this issue or this part of the business or this revenue model or this.

And now I'm like, you know what?

I'm just going to get up.

I'm going to be the best spouse and father I can possibly be on any given day.

I'm going to do better.

Some days worse, others.

I'm going to try and put out great content that blesses people I'm going to do.

The other stuff we do in our business.

Speaking travel, the online stuff we And I'm going to just going

to let go and trust a little bit.

And, um, cause I just know the overwhelm isn't going to help and look,

last thing, I didn't really mention

There's a huge relationship for me with the, I guess the, um, the

exercise Like exercise really does You know, and I do huge amounts, but

I'm not telling you to do what I do.

I'm just saying You know, if we're, if we're stressed our

body, can't tell the difference.

If we go for a run or a walk or a ride or whatever.

All our body knows is that, you know, our system is responding

to external stressors.

Like it could be weights, whatever.

And that helps us.

So don't rule that out either.

All right.

There's a lot in that.

I hope it's a blessing to you.

Go and check out the show Um, if you want to do some private

coaching with Karen or me,

Uh, you can do that.

Uh, we do a discovery call.

We talk about where you're stuck, rebuild a little plan together, and then

we just jump online and it's a really awesome process that just helps you get

moving in any particular areas to go check out those links to the coaching.

Um, and you can book me to speak it's all there.

So God bless everybody.

Please make sure you've subscribed.

Don't look at your beliefs let's beat this overwhelm piece my name's

jonathan doyle and i'm going to have another message for you tomorrow