Stop Complaining — The Lens That Becomes a Life

Well, hey there, my friend.

Jonathan Doyle with you once again.

Welcome to the Daily podcast.

I'm pleased you are here.

This is a challenging message.

You know what I want you to do?

I want you, I'm begging, I am pleading, I wanna help you, but you gotta do this.

You ready?

Stop complaining.

Just stop it.

And you might be listening to me going, "Eh, well, I don't…

You don't even know me.

You're just… I'm listening to you, I'm giving you the gift of

my time, Jonathan, you just insult me right from the start?" No.

This is a default for a very large section of the human species.

I'm sure I did it, but I… You will just, you would, you would struggle

to find me doing this more recently.

It's like if you and I were out and, and like you had the worst kinda manners

and you're like, like really socially awkward, I would be much more comfortable

with that if we were like at a cafe or something than if you complained.

If you complain, I start going, "Oh, man," like, like, here's why.

There are so many problems with it.

Firstly, it takes your power away.

When you complain, you externalize your agency.

You externalize your agency.

You, you take your life and you hand it over to a person, a system, a

problem, and you point at it and you go, "This, Jonathan, this over there,

that thing, that person, that, that, that reality is the reason I can't

have what I want and why I'm unhappy, and I'm going to complain about it."

And I swear, lots of people actually enjoy it.

It's like it's a way of life.

You know, sort of like The Mandalorian, it's like this is the way.

It's like there are lots of people who are like, from the second they

wake up, their brain's like, "Well, this, this, this isn't, this isn't

good. Like, w- this isn't good."

Like whatever it is, like the room temperature will be a little bit

off or, or you know, something that we… Just something.

They'll trip over something and they'll complain all day about somebody.

You, you know this, right?

We all do it.

It's a human thing.

Let's differentiate complaining between, uh, that and outlining

genuine, real stre- sort of challenges and problems that we have in life.

I want you to stop complaining.

Why?

'Cause when I put this episode together in my notes, I said because it is a

lens which becomes a life Complaining is a lens which becomes a life.

I really like that.

What does it mean?

That if you complain for long enough, you begin to see the world through that lens.

It's like putting on a pair of glasses and everything you see is just not

what you want it to be, and, and then you just bleat about it all the time.

Stop.

Because if you do it too often, it becomes a life.

It becomes your default setting, and it disempowers you.

And so when I see it in my family or close friends, I, I'm, I'm good for a while.

I'm kinda patient.

I'm like, "I, I understand.

Like, this is… Yep, that's a difficult thing." But I've got this kind of

internal calibration system that the second it goes beyond a reasonable

description of a general challenge into something like just whining about

it, I'm like, "Oh, I'm not your guy.

Like, if you want to change, I can help you.

If you wanna understand what your options are, we can develop a strategy

together, but I got no time just to listening to it indefinitely." So my

friend, I wanna challenge you on this one.

Stop complaining Just as a general life strategy, because yes, there are

very real difficulties in the world.

You could be listening to me going, "But someone treats me this way."

Because you let them.

"But you don't understand." Because you let them.

I don't know why you let them.

There could be really complex reasons for that and all sorts

of justifications for it.

But if someone treats you terribly, there is another option, which is,

like, deal with them in the way that is appropriate to the situation and

bring up your level of self-valuing so that you utterly refuse to be treated

poorly because you understand your own true value, dignity, and worth.

See, there's always a strategy, but just constantly complaining and

pointing to a problem is robbing you of energy, agency, life, possibility.

So just stop.

Hard stop from today.

Friends, I'm good at this.

Like, there are some things that I'm still growing in, but this one I'm good at.

There is, like, this thing in my head now that goes, "Just no.

Just, just flat no." I'm all about agency.

That is all I am about.

It's like, what do I need to do?

What needs to change?

What can I do?

What will I do?

Like, I, I just… Why would I bother looking at a system or a person or

a problem and just whining about it?

Like, leave the situation, Jonathan.

Try a different strategy, Jonathan.

Read a book about it, Jonathan.

Do something.

But I think you will these days almost never hear it.

If you and I ever meet and you hear me doing it, I want you

to just, just, just slap me.

You have my permission.

Live on air right now.

Just, just not hard, like, not… I don't want you to have to

hurt me badly, but just, just a little one, just a little whack.

Just, "Jonathan, Jonathan, Jonathan, you don't know me. I'm sorry I had to come

and slap you randomly as a stranger, but I once heard you say, Jonathan, on

a podcast that you just would not do it, and I'm here to help you. Thank you." And

if you, whoever you are, I thank you in advance, because you won't hear me do it.

I, I really fight hard for this one.

And again, I, I'll explain this to you.

This is not complaining, but I, I got, like you, plenty of challenges,

plenty of days, like yesterday.

Like, um, my wife's away and, and we've still got three teenagers and,

um, got a very busy, complex life and, and I'm driving everywhere.

Like, I swear I just bent the space-time continuum yesterday driving.

Like, one part of town, I drove there three times yesterday.

I drove there three times, and then I promised somebody that I'd come and

see something they were doing later in the evening, and I went to that,

and it's just like all this stuff.

And in my brain I'm going, "Wow, this is a really busy day." Do

you know who I complained to?

No one Crickets.

No one.

And I know some of you will listen and go, "Well, this is just sucking

it up, and it's, it's, it's, it's repressing your emotions." No, it's not.

It's not that.

It's just a firm, clear decision that sometimes things are difficult and not

to my preference, but I am not gonna give the universe or anybody else the

pleasure of hearing me whine about it.

I'm going to just either absorb it and build resilience and go,

"Yeah, some days are really hard.

Some days are just utterly exhausting, but we're gonna get it done, and

then we're gonna sow in some rest.

We're gonna just lock that in.

But you won't hear me complain." So that is it for you, my friend.

If you never listen to me again, look, I hope you do, but if

you don't, file this one away.

And, and be hard on yourself.

Like, if you want a superior life, if you want to change, if you're

listening, if you've got this far in the podcast, you are the kind

of person who is trying to grow.

And people who are growers, who develop and change and go

after things, do not complain.

Those days are over for you now.

Why?

Because as we said, if you do this for too long, what does it become?

You remember?

A lens and a life.

So change what you can.

Don't put up with poor treatment and, and, you know, if something's

unjust or wrong, fight it.

Take your agency and your power and do what you need to do.

But from this day forward, you and me, we ain't complaining ever again.

All right.

I'm doing this every day, so if you like it, hit subscribe, and everything else

is on the website, jonathandoyle.co.

You can find me on YouTube, Jonathan Doyle Speaks, and

I'm on Instagram, jdoylespeaks.

Hit subscribe.

You and I are gonna talk again tomorrow