IN today’s episode I share a powerful quote from the ancient philosopher Lao Tzu. I also talk about the paradox of acceptance. How can you stay goal focussed while also allowing life to be what it is. It’s all about learning to accept the mystery of life and learning to enjoy the journey.
Transcript
Well, Hey everybody, Jonathan Doyle with you.
Speaker:Once again, welcome aboard to the daily podcast.
Speaker:Hope you're doing okay.
Speaker:Great.
Speaker:To have a few moments together.
Speaker:Hope I can always bring you something useful today.
Speaker:I want to talk about a paradox.
Speaker:I like paradoxes.
Speaker:Paradox is essentially something that.
Speaker:When you hear it.
Speaker:Sounds.
Speaker:As if it's conflicting itself.
Speaker:As if it's confusing.
Speaker:But on a deeper examination, it turns out to be true.
Speaker:I want to talk about the paradox of acceptance.
Speaker:I want to talk about this tension, this complexity in life between.
Speaker:Allowing things to happen, allowing life to be life.
Speaker:Accepting difficult stuff while also this idea that we can shape reality.
Speaker:The first thing I want to say is that it's essentially a mystery.
Speaker:And as I was saying to somebody recently, we're a culture that
Speaker:doesn't really like mystery.
Speaker:We are an extremely technocratic organizational managerial culture.
Speaker:We believe we can mitigate all risk.
Speaker:We can handle all problems simply by.
Speaker:Management by systems.
Speaker:By science.
Speaker:So we don't like mystery.
Speaker:We don't tend to know what to do.
Speaker:When we can't fully understand something, and this is the
Speaker:paradox of acceptance, right.
Speaker:Because how much should we accept?
Speaker:What happens to us in life and flow with it and let it be what it is and
Speaker:how much should we massively try?
Speaker:And change reality.
Speaker:And again, it's mystery.
Speaker:I don't exactly know the answer, so I hope that's not too deflating at
Speaker:the start of our time together today.
Speaker:But I think that there's a few thoughts here that I want to put out there
Speaker:because you know, having spent many years in this space of motivation and
Speaker:personal development, there is an ethos.
Speaker:Quite a strong one that we can pretty much make anything happen.
Speaker:And again, here's the mystery.
Speaker:It's kind of true.
Speaker:I mean, you know, we didn't, we weren't able to fly until the
Speaker:Wright brothers had this idea.
Speaker:I mean, it goes back into people had been tinkering with this stuff.
Speaker:For thousands of years, the idea.
Speaker:But, you know, if, if, if the Wright brothers had decided, well, it's
Speaker:impossible, we can't change reality.
Speaker:This is we're never going to fly.
Speaker:It's never going to happen.
Speaker:You know, things wouldn't change.
Speaker:So obviously there are ways in which we do change and shape reality, and there's
Speaker:ways that we need to learn to accept.
Speaker:And I want to give you a great quote here.
Speaker:From the great mystic himself and philosopher Lao-Tzu.
Speaker:Who said this life?
Speaker:Is a series of natural and spontaneous changes.
Speaker:Don't resist them.
Speaker:That only creates sorrow.
Speaker:Let reality be reality.
Speaker:Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.
Speaker:What do you think about that?
Speaker:Life is a serious of natural and spontaneous changes, you
Speaker:know, isn't it funny when we see somebody who is getting older?
Speaker:I hope I don't do this.
Speaker:But a is trying to hide the fact they're getting older.
Speaker:They, you know, they, they might get their hair dyed or they might wear
Speaker:a suit trying to wear young people's clothes and it really stands out.
Speaker:Doesn't it.
Speaker:We go.
Speaker:It's obvious.
Speaker:It's kind of comical.
Speaker:When you see somebody who's not accepting the fundamental changes
Speaker:that are rolling out in life.
Speaker:So what we want to do.
Speaker:Is learn to accept.
Speaker:All of what life brings.
Speaker:Yeah, let's unpack that just quickly.
Speaker:By this, I mean that, you know, there's a lot, we can't change.
Speaker:And I think for many people, when we discover things that we can't change,
Speaker:we all would have all of a sudden experience, all forms of suffering.
Speaker:And I think a lot of that suffering.
Speaker:Has to do with the deep resistance.
Speaker:We don't want things to be the way they are, and we get these strong
Speaker:negative emotions because, and there might be resentment or rage or anger.
Speaker:Because something is happening that we don't want to happen.
Speaker:I think related to that is that many of us can often struggle
Speaker:with accepting our emotions.
Speaker:So when we have difficult emotions, We want to stuff them down or
Speaker:distract ourselves from them in all sorts of different ways.
Speaker:You'll see people do it with alcohol, the internet, food, whatever.
Speaker:What I'm learning through.
Speaker:I guess my deep commitment to meditation is.
Speaker:You have to learn.
Speaker:To be with your feelings.
Speaker:I know some you're listening on Jonathan.
Speaker:This is a departure from the normal.
Speaker:You can do anything.
Speaker:No, I think there's some depth here that I want to share with you.
Speaker:I've been listening to a beautiful insight.
Speaker:I have to try and find the lady's name.
Speaker:She has this metaphor called rain.
Speaker:R a I N.
Speaker:And I found it really helpful.
Speaker:Meditation.
Speaker:She talks about, you know, R is for recognize, right?
Speaker:So you start by recognizing in your life, what is the emotion
Speaker:that you're feeling or what's the experience of life that you're having?
Speaker:So that's the, ah, the second is acceptance.
Speaker:Which is that.
Speaker:You have to accept what's happening in your life.
Speaker:You can't deny it or ignore to pretend isn't happening.
Speaker:It's denial.
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:And if you live in denial for long enough, you get all sorts of problems.
Speaker:So you recognize, then you accept.
Speaker:And then she talks about eye in the eye in rain is investigate, which is to really.
Speaker:Identify, there's kind of a mindfulness practice identify where
Speaker:you're experiencing it in your body.
Speaker:It's it's, it's an important technique.
Speaker:That's very central to a lot of mindfulness teaching.
Speaker:Is because it's interesting.
Speaker:You, you will experience different emotions in different parts of your body.
Speaker:Sometimes you'll feel flushed in your face or you'll feel tension in your neck.
Speaker:Other times you'll feel.
Speaker:Nervousness in your stomach.
Speaker:So you recognize except investigate where you're experiencing it.
Speaker:And the end is for nurture, which is to simply say,
Speaker:What do you need to hear from yourself right now?
Speaker:You know, what, what would be reassuring to hear?
Speaker:So you might feel resentment.
Speaker:And then, you know, you recognize you're feeling deep, resentment, then
Speaker:you were first, you have to accept it.
Speaker:You have to go, you know what?
Speaker:I can't lie to myself.
Speaker:I'm feeling really resentful.
Speaker:Somebody did something, something happened.
Speaker:I feel resentment.
Speaker:So you got to make space for that feeling and make space for that emotion.
Speaker:Investigate where you feel and then nurture, which is what would
Speaker:be nurturing to experience or to hear right now about resentment.
Speaker:It might be something like this is going to pass.
Speaker:It might be something like.
Speaker:I know this person really does love me, or I know that I can
Speaker:grow through this experience.
Speaker:I don't know.
Speaker:It'll be different for all of us, but do you see.
Speaker:Your making space you're at you're accepting what's happening in your life.
Speaker:And then your allowing yourself.
Speaker:To carry yourself through it, to, to nurture yourself through it.
Speaker:And I think this is important because if we don't, you just see
Speaker:people clamped down into tension and anger and denial and avoidance.
Speaker:I've talked about that for years.
Speaker:Like if we're not present to our emotions,
Speaker:Then we go hard into avoidance or all sorts of different coping strategies.
Speaker:So.
Speaker:I hope this has not been a confusing daily podcast.
Speaker:I think what I'm trying to get at is this paradox.
Speaker:Like I started with between.
Speaker:Shaping reality and accepting reality.
Speaker:And I think.
Speaker:A full rich life is kind of living in both in some ways.
Speaker:Attempting things, trying things, setting goals, and then allowing the results to
Speaker:be what they are, and then changing your approach and doing something a little
Speaker:bit different if it didn't work and just.
Speaker:But accepting life as it flows out.
Speaker:Because I think if we don't, it's hard to enjoy it.
Speaker:It really is.
Speaker:I think I've lived long enough now to go that if you.
Speaker:You know, so many people.
Speaker:Construct this ideal life.
Speaker:And if they're not there.
Speaker:If they're not living it, if they're not exactly, you know, I've got, I
Speaker:know one person who's just always been obsessed with material, things
Speaker:and success as they've identified it.
Speaker:And I honest to God.
Speaker:I've I've never seen.
Speaker:This lady happy.
Speaker:I've never had, like, I struggled to see her happy.
Speaker:She's constantly beating herself up.
Speaker:She's constantly frustrated by not being exactly where she wants to be.
Speaker:And I keep trying to help her.
Speaker:I go look.
Speaker:You have to.
Speaker:You have a clear vision, but you have to enjoy the journey.
Speaker:You have to accept that this is where you are now, and then we'll take the
Speaker:next step and we'll move you forward.
Speaker:And it's going to just keep the next thing, the next thing.
Speaker:So.
Speaker:God bless you, everybody.
Speaker:I hope that's useful.
Speaker:The paradox of acceptance in a fully lived life.
Speaker:Set your goals.
Speaker:Have a vision.
Speaker:But then enjoy the journey and learn to accept whatever stage of that
Speaker:journey you're on and enjoy the moment and keep living into the next moment.
Speaker:Whew.
Speaker:There's a lot there.
Speaker:All right.
Speaker:My name is Jonathan Doyle.
Speaker:This has been the daily podcast.
Speaker:Please make sure you've subscribed.
Speaker:If you're listening to this on the direct download, just jump across
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Speaker:Look up the daily podcast with Jonathan Doyle.
Speaker:Give me a subscribe, leave a rating.
Speaker:That would be awesome.
Speaker:And of course, share this with friends.
Speaker:Everything else is on the website.
Speaker:Jonathan doyle.co.
Speaker:If you want to do some personal coaching with me over zoom, reach out.
Speaker:Send me an email.
Speaker:jonathan@jonathandoyle.co.
Speaker:But now.
Speaker:Let's get out there.
Speaker:As Lao-Tzu said.
Speaker:Let reality be reality.
Speaker:Let things flow forward in whatever way they like my name's jonathan doyle this
Speaker:has been the daily podcast and i will have another message for you tomorrow
